INTRO – NARRATOR, with dramatic flair] NARRATOR: Harry flew coach with one goal in hand A single cucumber and a questionable plan Customs said, “Sir, what’s that in your pack?” He smirked, “Just my plus-one, now get off my back.” [VERSE 1 – HARRY, riding a funky beat] HARRY: Landed in Tokyo, vibe unchecked Cucumber chillin’ like it runs the prefect Shibuya girls scream, phones out fast One fainted when it flopped out the bag at last Slurpin’ ramen, splashin’ miso on thighs Cuke so bold, made three chefs cry Walked in the bathhouse, towel too small “Is that a veggie?” Nah, I brought my whole garden y’all [PRE-CHORUS – GIRL CHORUS, teasing tone] GIRLS: He's got greens, we got needs That cucumber's planting Tokyo seeds [CHORUS – ALL, party chant style] ALL: Hot sand, cold drinks, cucumber chaos reigns OnlyFans crashed from the bullet train flames Tempura thighs clap, boba pearls pop Harry and his veggie made Mount Fuji drop [VERSE 2 – HARRY, smooth with absurd swagger] HARRY: Karaoke bar, singin’ “Senpai notice me” But they noticed the cucumber... aggressively Wasabi dared me, I double dipped Now the chef won’t stop staring at my grip Tried to blend in at the Tsukiji stall But I tripped and flopped it through a fish market wall “Sir please leave,” yeah I heard ‘em say But the cucumber’s now mayor of Tokyo Bay [BRIDGE – GIRL CHORUS, whisper then scream] GIRLS [whisper]: Soy sauce lips... GIRLS [shout]: WE’RE LOSIN’ GRIPS! GIRLS [whisper]: Seaweed wraps... GIRLS [shout]: AND VEGGIE SLAPS! [RAP BREAK – MC TOKYO & HARRY, trade bars] MC TOKYO: This ain’t no snack — it’s a scandalous log Rolled through a love hotel, left it in a fog I saw that man flex in Harajuku lane With a cucumber so rude it got banned from the train HARRY: They tried to arrest it, called it obscene But it posed for a pic with a vending machine I’m just a guy with a produce dream Cucumber chaos, sushi supreme [FINAL CHORUS – ALL, full party energy] ALL: Sushi flies, people cry, headlines scream “Foreign man brings shame and greens!” Tan lines fade, but memes stay raw He wrecked Japan with a single vegetable law Hot sand, cold drinks, no peace remains Cucumber declared a natural hurricane Miso spilled, fans got banned Harry still trending in the sushi stand [OUTRO – HARRY, over soft lo-fi beat] HARRY: I came for the sights, stayed for the sin They said “No cucumbers”... I brought it in Booked on the no-fly, still living my truth Cucumber swingin’ like a Shonen spoof [Sound FX: bullet train woosh, distant girl giggle, one sharp crunch]

The Great Japanese Cucumber Incident