If You Only Knew

Feel it heavy in my bones now

Yeah…

If you only knew…

⸻

Feel it heavy in my bones now

Everybody smiling for the photos

Posting prayers shaped like Prozac

Tryna numb the lows that I don’t show

Meet me late night, losing time

Clock don’t move but my thoughts do

Mama said it’ll all be fine

But mama never lived inside my mind too

Sun gon’ shine, that’s what they say

But they don’t know how dark it gets

They don’t know what it’s like to pray

Just to wake up without regret

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I keep the pain locked on a shelf

Smile wide, I’m lying for my health

God I’m lucky, yeah I know

So why I still feel this alone?

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I can’t carry this anymore

Heavy hurt inside my veins

I can’t carry this anymore

Tell me what it’s like to feel okay

If you only knew what my mind does late at night

Drunk and all alone, staring at the ceiling light

Too sad to cry, yeah I try

But I’m barely getting by

I can’t carry this anymore

Wonder what it’s like to be okay

⸻

Would you love me if I drank less?

Would you stay if you saw my mess?

I’ll do anything for affection

Still don’t feel like I’m enough yet

You could probably see through me

If I showed you who I am

Promise if you really knew me

You’d be scared to hold my hand

I’m surviving, not alive

Guilt hits harder than the pain

I don’t want my mom worried

So I tell her I’m okay

I been falling with my friends

Silent cries inside a room

They think I’m just having fun

I’m just trying not to lose

⸻

If you only knew what my head keeps telling me

How I fight myself just to stay breathing

I’m too sad to cry, it’s true

God I swear I need you

I can’t carry this anymore

Heavy hurt inside my veins

I can’t carry this anymore

Tell me what it’s like to feel okay

⸻

Maybe I don’t need fixing

Maybe I just need time

Maybe being broken

Doesn’t mean I’ve crossed the line

I wanna get better, I swear I do

I just don’t know how alone

If I reach out and say I need you

Promise you won’t let me go

Take me out this hell I’m in

I don’t recognize myself

I don’t wanna disappear

I just want some fucking help

⸻

If you only knew how hard I try to stay

How every night feels like a war I face

I’m still here, even when it hurts

Still breathing through the worst

I can’t carry this forever

But I’ll carry it tonight

If you hold me through the weather

Maybe I’ll be alright

I can’t carry this anymore

But I’m learning how to stay

Maybe one day I’ll know

What it’s like…

To be okay

⸻

Feel it heavy in my bones now

But I’m still here

If you only knew…