[Intro, drums stick taps, ad libs] [VERSE 1] Woke up on the sofa with a headache like a bomb, Pub was spinning, ears were ringing, sunrise coming on, Checked the floor for footprints, checked the pockets of my suit — Then realized the nightmare — Barbara’s nicked me favourite boots! Checked under the table, checked behind the chair, Even asked the kettle if my boots were hiding there. Then I saw the window open, curtains flappin’ loose, And on the sill — a lipstick note. “I borrowed both your shoes.” [CHORUS] Oi! Barbara! Give me back me boots, You left me looking like a proper brute, You’re trouble wrapped in cherry-red lipstick, But girl, you know you’ve got me addicted! Hey! Barbara! Stop your wicked games, You run the town and set the streets aflame, I chase you ’round but you’re too quick to catch — Still hope you might come back… with BOTH boots attached! [VERSE 2] Down the street I thundered like a riot on the run, Asking everyone I passed, “’Scuse me — seen my missing ones?” The barman said she swapped ’em for a pint of bitter stout, The bus driver said she wore ’em while he kicked the schoolkids out. The butcher claimed she danced in them, right across his meat, The baker swore she pirouetted barefoot down the street. It seems the whole damn neighbourhood has heard her misdeeds chart — She’s chaos in a miniskirt and queen of stolen hearts. [CHORUS] Oi! Barbara! Give me back me boots, You left me looking like a proper brute, You’re trouble wrapped in cherry-red lipstick, But girl, you know you’ve got me addicted! Hey! Barbara! Stop your wicked games, You run the town and set the streets aflame! [BRIDGE, Twisted & theatrical] Oh Barbara, you bandit, you burglar of style, You spin me around with that criminal smile. If loving a menace is foolish and daft, Then stamp on my dignity — but give me my boots back! You steal more than leather, you steal my whole day, But somehow I’m laughing while running your way. ’Cause every disaster you leave in your tracks, Just pulls me in deeper — no turning back. [VERSE 3] Found her on the rooftop doing cartwheels on the tiles, Boots on her feet, my jacket too — the nerve, the cheek, the style! She winked and said, “You want ’em back? Then catch me if you dare!” But when she slipped, I grabbed her quick — she froze right in mid-air. She laughed and kissed me sideways, said, “All right, they’re yours again…” But somehow as she hugged me, I forgot about the pain. She whispered, “Face it darling, you were never after boots — You’re chasing me, you silly boy… admit it, it’s the truth.” [FINAL CHORUS, Bigger, last-chorus energy] Oi! Barbara! Keep the bloody boots, I’ll walk home barefoot like a lovesick fool, You’re trouble wrapped in cherry-red lipstick, And girl, you know you’ve got me addicted! Hey! Barbara! Take my heart and hat, You’ve stolen everything — I’m fine with that, I chase you ’round but you’re too quick to catch — Guess I don’t really want ’em back… ’Cause you’re the perfect match.

Oi Barbara