Lying to myself

When did I get so good at lying to myself?

I don't think it's denial, I do believe it's straight up lying to myself.

I walk around like everything is fine.

When in reality everything is not fine. I'm not fine. I'm miserable.

I've always been there taking care of others. Now everyone is grown and there's no one left for me to love and nurture.

I've always been a wife and a mother.

When you go through life changes it's hard. You get use to things a certain way and all of a sudden life throws a curve ball and life is completely different.

The kids grow up, along with grandchildren becoming grown.

There you are with not much to occupy your days.

You need to fill your time up with other projects to keep yourself busy.

You only want purpose and something meaningful in your life.

I'll need to find other ways to acquire a meaningful life. You can't depend on others, the only person you can rely on is you. I'll need to learn how to become more independent on myself. It's never easy to be all by yourself, you will learn to enjoy your own company and to be by yourself.