“Open Pages”

Every time I pick it up I wanna put it down

Leather and linen like a weight I don’t know how

I open to a verse like it’s gonna say my name

Like lightning in the margins or a whisper in the pain

I’m searching for a sentence that’ll finally make it clear

But the room just stays quiet and the doubt gets loud in here

I know You don’t speak on command

I know faith ain’t a vending machine

But I’m on my knees with shaking hands

Still begging You to see me

So take me to the silence

Where belief don’t come with proof

Where loving You is choosing

Even when You don’t come through

I keep reading like You owe me

Some kind of holy cue

But I stay anyway

Because leaving hurts more than the truth

I flip through old red letters like they owe me relief

Like if I land on the right line You’ll finally talk to me

I hear stories of burning bushes and voices in the dark

But all I get is empty space and a stubborn, breaking heart

I rinse and repeat this ritual of hope and shame

Knowing You don’t work this way but I do it just the same

I know You’re not a sign on demand

I know You don’t shout just to prove

But I’m tired of guessing where You stand

When I’m bleeding in the pew

So take me to the silence

Where faith is raw and rude

Where prayers feel unanswered

And I still choose You

I keep asking for a miracle

Like You’re supposed to move

But I stay anyway

Because doubt still believes in You

Maybe faith ain’t fireworks

Maybe it’s staying when it hurts

Maybe You’re not in what I hear

But in the fact that I’m still here

Still opening these pages

Still calling out Your name

Still hoping that the quiet

Isn’t You walking away

If You’re testing my patience

I’m failing with grace

But I keep showing up

With tears on my face

So take me to the altar

Of unanswered prayer

Where love is just obedience

And You don’t explain Yourself there

I don’t need the thunder

I don’t need the proof

I’ll keep opening the Word

Even when it don’t open You

I close the book in silence

But I don’t close the door

If faith is just the waiting

Then I’ll wait a little more