Mistletoe & Misery

(Verse 1)

(Palm-muted, fast downward guitar strokes)

We were packing up the sleigh, working nine to five

Just trying to keep the holiday spirit alive

But the boss man hasn't slept since the first of the year

And he’s smelling like eggnog and cheap reindeer beer

He kicked down the doors of the candy cane hall

Smashed a snow globe right against the wall

He said, "I’m sick of the cookies, I’m sick of the milk!"

And he ripped off his suit made of velvet and silk!

(Chorus)

(Explosive distortion, cymbals crashing, soaring melody)

It’s the night the big man finally snapped!

We’re in a winter wonderland, and now we’re all trapped!

He traded in the bells for a baseball bat

Yeah, there’s no way we’re ever coming back from that!

He’s crossing out the nice list, burning down the tree

It’s nothing but mistletoe and misery!

Whoa-oh-oh! (Misery!)

Whoa-oh-oh!

(Verse 2)

(Bass and drums only, guitars kick in on the snare hits)

Now Blitzen is hiding up on the roof

We’re finding the presents, but what is the proof?

Mrs. Claus locked herself in the gingerbread shed

With a helmet of tinsel strapped to her head

He’s got a list of demands and a megaphone

Screaming "Leave me alone, just leave me alone!"

The workshop is burning, the elves are on strike

This is the one Christmas I just don't like!

(Chorus)

(Full volume, gang vocals on the background lines)

It’s the night the big man finally snapped!

We’re in a winter wonderland, and now we’re all trapped!

He traded in the bells for a baseball bat

Yeah, there’s no way we’re ever coming back from that!

He’s crossing out the nice list, burning down the tree

It’s nothing but mistletoe and misery!

(Bridge)

(Half-time breakdown, heavy chugging guitars)

Ho, ho, no... He’s coming down the hall.

Ho, ho, no... He’s coming for us all.

(Building tempo, snare roll)

I just wanted to make wooden trains!

Now I’m dodging candy canes!

(Guitar Solo)

(Frantic, shredding, slightly out-of-tune but energetic pop-punk solo)

(Chorus)

It’s the night the big man finally snapped!

We’re in a winter wonderland, and now we’re all trapped!

He traded in the bells for a baseball bat

Yeah, there’s no way we’re ever coming back from that!

He’s crossing out the nice list, burning down the tree

It’s nothing but mistletoe and misery!

(Outro)

(Fast drum fills, syncopated stops)

Mistletoe and misery! (He's going crazy!)

Mistletoe and misery! (Save the elves!)

Happy holidays to absolutely no one!

(Final heavy chord rings out, followed by the sound of a sleigh bell hitting the floor)