“PAYTAN, I’M AT THE EDGE” Spoken Intro: I’m standin’ on the brink, Paytan… lookin’ down at a hell I built with my own hands. And I know you won’t speak to me. I know I’m talkin’ into silence. But before the flames take me, you deserve the truth. Verse 1: You’re nineteen now, and I’m a stranger wearin’ your last name. I missed your childhood chasin’ poison, lettin’ the devil rock me to sleep while you cried in rooms I never walked into. You learned early that your dad was a ghost—alive, but not livin’, breathin’, but not present. And now you carry scars from a world I should’ve shielded you from, scars I wasn’t there to stop. That’s the weight I wake up with every day. Verse 2: You were hurt in ways no daughter should ever endure, and I should’ve been the one standin’ in front of you, takin’ the blow, takin’ the burden, takin’ the world by the throat to protect you. But I froze. I shut down. I let fear and confusion turn me blank. You think I have chosen sides… but the truth is worse: I didn’t choose anything. I let the devil whisper me numb while you suffered alone. Chorus: Paytan, I’m standin’ at the edge of hell with every failure burnin’ behind me. I let the devil quiet my voice when you needed me loud. I let addiction steal years I can’t ever give back. I let your mother’s anger fill the space where my love should’ve lived. But God, God keeps reachin’ for me, even now, even here, pullin’ me back from the fire I earned. And I’m beggin’ Him for the strength to be the father you never had. Verse 3: Your mama told you stories, and some were twisted, but some were true, and I earned those truths. I gave her the ammunition by disappearin’, by drownin’ myself instead of raisin’ you. You grew up angry, abandoned, feelin’ like I picked the world over you. And I don’t blame you for hatin’ me. Some days I look in the mirror and I hate me too. Bridge: The devil still calls my name, remindin’ me of every night you cried without me, every time you reached out and found nothin’ but air. He tells me I’m too far gone, that you’ll never forgive me, that I’ll die with your silence carved into my bones. But God—He kneels beside me in the ashes, whisperin’ grace I don’t deserve, tellin’ me it ain’t too late to stand up, to fight for the daughter I lost to my own darkness. I’m crawlin’ toward that light, even if you never see it. Final Chorus: Paytan, I’m standin’ here with no excuses left, no lies to hide behind, no mask to wear. I can’t rewrite the years, can’t erase the pain, can’t undo the damage. But I can love you with whatever life I’ve got left. If you ever hear me through the anger, through the poison, through the hurt… know this: I’m still your dad, and God’s grace is the only reason I’m still breathin’ long enough to say it. Outro: I’m sorry, Paytan. For every day you needed me and I wasn’t there. For every wound you carried alone. For every version of me that failed you. If God pulls me out of this fire, it’ll be for reason of loving you.

Paytan, I’m at the edge