“Ashes and Altars”

“Lord… if You’re still near, don’t let me disappear…”

I built my altar out of pain and pride

Lit every match just to feel alive

Echoes of love that never stayed

Now I lie down in the bed I made

My hands are stained with lesser things

Temporary highs that clipped my wings

The screen went black, but shame stayed lit

I keep relapsing… then I repent

I’ve prayed with hollow lungs

Cried out with shaking hands

Still hoping grace remembers

Where this broken soul stands

I’m still breathing in the smoke and the flame

Still whispering the Holy Name

I’ve walked through fire, walked through lies

But something sacred still survives

I’m not clean, but I’m not gone

A prodigal still pressing on

If You hear me through the thunder…

Let me rise from this hunger

I’ve chased the ghosts that never gave

Tried to drown my thoughts in darker waves

Pleasure wore a crown of thorns

And every night, I’m left more torn

I cover mirrors when I fall

Can’t bear to face the quiet crawl

But somewhere deep beneath the sin

A child still knocks to be let in

Not asking for a throne

Not claiming I deserve

Just need to feel the mercy

That I read, that I heard

I’m still breathing in the smoke and the flame

Still calling out the Sacred Name

I’ve starved in silence, fed on fear

But I’m not gone — I’m still right here

You saw me crumble, watched me fall

But never let me lose it all

If redemption is a whisper…

Then speak now, through this shiver

I tried to run, I tried to hide

But even my shame can’t outpace Your light

I burned my offerings in regret…

But maybe You’re not finished yet

I’m still breathing, I still fight

With every sin, I seek the Light

Still drowning in unanswered years

But I’m alive — I’m still right here

These ashes don’t define my name

Your altar still burns through the shame

If grace is real, if You still care…

Then meet me now… in this prayer

Ashes fall… but the altar stands…

One more breath… in mercy’s hands…