Broken Dreams and Furniture

“Broken Dreams and Furniture (Thorten Lied Remix)”

By: Joe (who never forgave dispatch)

(Genre: Country Rock Wreckage Ballad — now with more lawsuits and drywall damage)

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I showed up late to a crew from hell,

The truck smelled like weed and Taco Bell.

Thorten was drivin’, one eye half shut,

Said “You take lead,” then lit a Newport butt.

Shane 2 asked, “Are we gettin’ tips?”

Then broke a table just touchin’ the lips.

Kevin dropped a nightstand on his own foot,

And Calen brought his Xbox, said, “I ain’t liftin’ wood.”

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Broken dreams and furniture fallin’,

Client’s screamin’, dispatch stallin’.

Couch split in half like a sandwich bite,

Glen packed a lamp with a bag of ice.

TV cracked, frame snapped clean,

And X just stood there textin’ someone named “Queen.”

Thorten’s yellin’, throwin’ straps in the air—

Then swung on the client for “lookin’ at him weird.”

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The client said, “Hey, please wrap that tight,”

Thorten snapped back, “You wanna fight?!”

Next thing you know he shoved the dude’s chest,

Glen dropped a vase and blamed his vest.

Customer yelled, “I’m callin’ the cops!”

So Thorten said, “Boys, we makin’ a stop.”

He jumped in the truck, peeled out fast,

Left five pads and a broken glass bass.

⸻

I said, “We can’t just leave this scene!”

But Thorten said, “Kurt don’t ask what he ain’t seen.”

Called him up, said, “Yeah they canceled, bro,”

“Client moved the date, we good to go.”

⸻

I was playin’ COD in the back of the cab,

While Glen sat cryin’ with a busted slab.

Kevin smoked out the last clean pad,

And Shane 2 slept through everything bad.

We left the job mid-chaos and theft,

Furniture snapped, only two legs left.

Thorten yellin’ “We did our best!”

As we ran from a client clutchin’ his chest.

⸻

Broken dreams and lawsuits brewin’,

Dispatch askin’, “What the hell y’all doin’?!”

We left a mattress in the flowerbed,

And Glen packed a toaster on a client’s head.

That house looked like a hurricane passed,

All ‘cause Thorten couldn’t take feedback fast.

Then he lied to Kurt like it’s all routine…

Now we banned from every zip code in between.

⸻

So if they ask you to roll with X and crew,

Just grab your vest and fake the flu.

’Cause broken dreams and shattered oak…

Don’t belong in a 26-foot joke.