More Than Me

Another year on the shelf.

No fireworks in here—

Just breath.

⸻

My demons outnumber me three to one

They know my name, know where I’m from

Clock in early, overtime

Rent-free living in the back of my mind

I wake up tired of the same old war

Same cracked mirror, same locked door

I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel strong

Just stuck in the middle where nothing’s wrong

City loud through the windowpane

Everybody celebrating what I couldn’t keep sane

Different clocks beating different songs

I don’t envy them—I just don’t belong

⸻

I don’t scream, I don’t break

I just fade—wide awake

If I feel nothing, I can’t lose

If I expect less, I don’t bruise

⸻

My demons outnumber me more each year

I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel fear

Just numb in a cycle I can’t outrun

Alive, but not really living, son

Another lonely New Year’s Eve

Fireworks for everyone but me

No wishes, no borrowed cheer

Just breathing through another year

⸻

I learned how to smile without moving my face

Learned how to function, stay in my place

They say “you’re calm,” but they don’t know

Calm is just chaos moving slow

Phone lights up, then goes dark again

“Happy New Year” from people who left

I type it back, then erase the line

Some words get heavier every time

I’ve felt worse, I’ve felt better

Now I’m stuck between the letters

Not rock bottom, not the sky

Just days that quietly pass me by

⸻

If I’m alone, I can’t be drained

If I’m still, I don’t feel the chain

⸻

My demons whisper every night

“Stay here—it’s easier numb,” they lie

I don’t fight, I don’t flee

I just let them walk with me

Another lonely midnight crossed

Counting breaths instead of thoughts

I don’t ask the world for proof

I just need to make it through

⸻

I don’t want death—I want relief

I want a moment I can breathe

Not asking for the light to stay

Just a break from the endless gray

The clock hits twelve, the sky ignites

I flinch at joy like it bites

Not bitter, not ashamed

Just tired of pretending I’m okay

⸻

My demons outnumber me—but I’m still here

Still choosing breath over disappearing

Midnight passed. I stayed.

Even outnumbered… there’s still a me.