Grandma Got a Glock for Christmas

Grandma Got a Glock for Christmas

(Chorus)

Grandma got a Glock for Christmas

Patrolling round the house on Christmas Eve

You might think she’s frail and sentimental

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

(Verse 1)

She’d been watching too much cable news channels

And said the neighborhood was going south

We bought her scented soaps and flannel

But she said she wanted heat to watch the house.

She’d been drinking too much eggnog

And we begged her not to load the magazine

But she slipped it in her apron pocket

And she’s the meanest senior citizen I’ve seen.

(Chorus)

Grandma got a Glock for Christmas

Patrolling round the house on Christmas Eve

You might think she’s frail and sentimental

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

(Verse 2)

She used to bake us cookies by the dozen

Now she’s at the gun range every day

She’s got a laser sight and grip tape

And she blew the postman’s tire clean away.

Now we’re all so proud of Grandpa

He’s been taking this remarkably well

See him sitting there watching football

Wearing Kevlar that he bought from Cousin Mel.

(Verse 3)

When Santa hit the roof above the bedroom

With his reindeer landing with a thud

Grandma yelled out, "Take cover!"

And she crawled across the carpet in the mud.

Poor St. Nick came down the chimney

With his sack of toys all bright and red

Grandma racked the slide and shouted "Freeze, dirtbag!"

And fired a warning shot right past his head.

(Chorus)

Grandma got a Glock for Christmas

Patrolling round the house on Christmas Eve

You might think she’s frail and sentimental

But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.

(Verse 4)

Now the goose is on the table

And the pudding made of fig

But nobody dares to ask for seconds

Or complain the portions aren't quite big.

I warn all of my friends and neighbors

"Better watch your step and don't you stall"

‘Cause Grandma’s rocking hollow points this evening

And she's waiting for a stranger in the hall!

(Outro)

Grandma got a Glock for Christmas...

Merry Christmas!

(Sound of a slide racking)