Bitches Be Like

Bitches be like, “I’m fine” — then start a fight at 2AM

Slashin’ tires in my driveway, callin’ it “a little vent”

Said she’s “just out with her girls” — but shows up in his hoodie

Then posts a quote about self-worth… yeah, girl, that’s real goody

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Snapchat tears and glitter eyes

She’s the drama queen in heels disguised

She broke my heart and my TV

Then blamed it on anxiety

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Bitches be like:

“I ain’t crazy,” right before they light your truck

Bitches be like:

“I’m over it,” while they still stalk your stuff

Bitches be like:

“Don’t need no man,” then post sad memes all day

It’s a hurricane in lipstick

And I still miss the mayhem, hey!

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She said she’s vegan — took my steak

Said it was “her cheat day break”

Danced on bars, got kicked from Applebee’s

Flashed the DJ, stole my keys

She’s got that “Live Laugh Leave” tattoo

Told the cops I hit her too

She keyed my car with “U Deserve It”

But damn, that girl’s still perfect

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She cried while watchin’ Dateline

Then texted her ex at the same time

She’s batshit with a side of spice

But God, that mess was paradise

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Bitches be like:

“I’m a queen,” right after the mugshot hit

Bitches be like:

“New me,” till she’s back with the dude she bit

Bitches be like:

“It’s his fault,” while she’s out burnin’ sage

She’s a goddess on a warpath

And I still text her every day…

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Yeah she slashed my soul, but she looked real cute

In those cutoffs and them muddy boots

She took my sanity and pride

But I still got her pics — (and damn, my hard drive cried)

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Bitches be like:

“I don’t chase,” but she outside my job

Bitches be like:

“I’m too healed,” then call me a cheating slob

Bitches be like:

“All men suck,” while in my bed again

It’s a wild ride, but I’d take her back…

With a helmet and three shots of gin

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Bitches be like…

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Girl, you keyed every panel.