Krampus Comes Along

The naughty boys and girls wept

Late on Christmas Eve

Their little hearts downtrodden

And tears on their sleeves

Chance after chance: come and gone

While the happy kids laughed together in song

The one that goes, Krampus is coming along.

You cussed out your teacher one day at school

You tossed a small dog in the neighborhood pool

You forgot all the trash cans in back of the house

You tortured your sister with a great big fat mouse

You said you were sorry and didn’t feel well

Now Krampus is coming to take you to hell

Oh, Krampus is coming to take you to hell

You lied to your momma and your papa too

You stole all the gloves and filled them with glue

You stayed up past bedtime and pretended to sleep

You pushed your poor sister when she wouldn’t leap

You took it all back, but your fingers were crossed

Still, Krampus is coming to see you hell tossed

Oh, Krampus is coming to see you he’ll tossed

You cried out loud a’watching the kids play

You’re stuck inside on this lovely snow day

You scream and curse at their holiday cheer

You look all around and sneak a holiday beer

You say oh, well, Krampus be damned

Then run your thumb across the Christmas ham

You don’t know how to be good or where to begin

So, Krampus is coming to eat out your sin

Yes, Krampus is coming to eat all your sin

You cling to your covers on Christmas Eve night

You pray to the lord to learn wrong from right

You promised to give up the dirty girl mags

And vowed you would toss them in the morning trash bags

But out on the stairs you hear a stumbled step creep

You’re situation is final; you’re just in too deep

You see the dark shadow climbing the wall

And grab your baseball bat and spring into the hall

The crouched figure halts and began to spin

So you lift up your slugger with devilish grin

The figure yells stop and stands in place

While you bring down the bat into Krampus’ face

The jolly fat man crumbled to the ground

Santa’s left leg twitched and he gurgled a sound

“I never gave up on you and believed you’d do well

Now, Krampus is surely coming to drag you to Hell!”

And so Krampus appeared to drag you to hell!

But Santa soon healed and now he is well.