Coin Flip Father

You ever flip a coin so many times
you forget which side is real?
Yeah… that’s you.

You walk in like a stranger wearing my last name
Same face, new mood, I’m the one you rearrange
One day I’m your “baby girl,” I’m your pride, your light
Next day I’m a ghost you don’t even recognize

You call me dramatic, say I twist up the past
But I learned how to bend truth watching you snap
You’re a puzzle with pieces that don’t wanna fit
And I spent my whole childhood tryna finish your script

Ashtray lullabies, empty bottle apologies
You swear this time’s different—yeah, you always promise me
You hug me like you mean it, then you vanish again
Guess love to you is just a temporary trend

I learned early how to read the room
The way your silence always spelled my doom
Tiptoe prayers, don’t make a sound
‘Cause one wrong breath and you’re burning it down

You’re a coin flip father, heads I’m yours
Tails I’m nothing, you close the door
Two different men in the same damn skin
Tell me which one I’m supposed to call “dad” again

I was never enough to make you stay
But always too much when you walked away
You love me… or you don’t, it’s a gamble I know
I’m just the daughter of your highs and your lows

You got more personalities than days in a week
And I memorized them all just to keep the peace
There’s the version that laughs, says he’s proud of me
Then the one that disappears like I’m make-believe

You ever wonder why I don’t pick up your calls?
‘Cause I don’t know which voice is on the other side at all
Is it “I miss you kid” or “you’re dead to me”?
Funny how both still sound like a threat to me

You made me feel crazy for feeling hurt
Like I had to earn love just to prove my worth
Now I flinch at affection, I question it quick
‘Cause love shouldn’t feel like a switch that just flips

I kept your secrets like they were mine
Covered your chaos, called it “fine”
But I grew up, I see it clear
I was the child, you were the fear

You’re a coin flip father, heads I’m yours
Tails I’m nothing, you close the door
Two different men in the same damn skin
Tell me which one I’m supposed to call “dad” again

I was never enough to make you stay
But always too much when you walked away
You love me… or you don’t, it’s a gamble I know
I’m just the daughter of your highs and your lows

I used to wait by the phone…
Like maybe this time you’d come home sober
Maybe this time you’d remember my birthday
Maybe this time… I’d matter longer than a moment

But I’m done flipping coins
Done praying to chance
I deserved a father
Not a circumstance

So here’s the truth you never had the guts to face
I outgrew the chaos, I outlived the ache
I built a spine from every time you let me fall
And now I don’t need you to answer at all

You don’t get to claim me on your better days
When your worst ones are the ones that made me this way
I’m not your maybe, your sometimes, your phase
I’m the proof that I survived your maze

Female, alternate pop, pop rock, trauma core, dark pop