R. Johnson

Verse 1 — The Shrug
I mean, look,  
he clears his throat,  
adjusts his tie like it’s too tight,  
and whispers into the mic:

“Iran has been at war with the United States for 47 years…”  
(he says it like a kid explaining why the homework isn’t done)

Then he adds,  
almost squeaking:

“You cannot have 535 commanders in chief…”  
as if someone asked him to lead gym class  
and he panicked.

---

Chorus — The Collapse
Oh no,  
don’t make him vote,  
don’t make him stand up straight.  
He’s just trying to get through the day.

“If Congress has to vote before the president can act,  
it shows a divided nation…”  
he mutters,  
like a man afraid of group projects.

---

Verse 2 — The Big Claim (Said Small)
He tries to puff up,  
but it comes out deflated:

“This is the greatest opportunity  
of changing the geopolitics of the world…”

Then immediately backtracks:

“It’s not risk‑free,  
it’s not guaranteed…”  
(you can hear the wobble)  
“…but this is a chance to change geopolitics for the better.”

He says it like he’s not sure  
if anyone’s listening  
or if he should just go home.

---

Bridge — The Wimpy Warning
He raises a finger,  
but only halfway:

“Congress tying the president’s hands  
would send exactly the wrong message…”

Then, under his breath,  
like a kid tattling:

“Ignore the Democrat distortions…”

---

Final Chorus — The Soft Surrender
Oh no,  
don’t ask him to lead,  
don’t ask him to explain.

He’s just a man  
with a trembling note card  
and a dream of sounding firm  
while sounding anything but.

“You cannot have 535 commanders in chief…”  
he repeats,  
as if saying it again  
will make it land harder  
than a damp noodle.

Speech with cracking voice, nerdy, howling, drums, comedic, funk