(Verse 1) Oh, look at these kids, faces glued to their screens, They don’t know how to cook, but they sure know memes. They can’t read a clock, but they’ll cancel your life, They’re allergic to peanuts, common sense, and strife. They think work is oppression, chores are abuse, Yet somehow their TikTok got a million views. They walk into traffic ‘cause they’re texting their friend, And I’m just sitting here, waiting for this phase to end! (Pre-Chorus) They got soft hands ‘cause they’ve never touched grass, If you tell them “life’s hard,” they’ll just whine and gasp! (Chorus) Oh, the kids aren’t alright, and they’re also dumb, They don’t know how to drive, but they sure can run— From responsibility, consequences too, They say “I need therapy” when their WiFi’s screwed! Oh, the kids aren’t alright, it’s a scary sight, They can’t change a tire, but they sure can fight— About pointless drama that they saw online, While the real world burns and they don’t see the signs! (Verse 2) They need a safe space ‘cause words make them cry, Yet they’ll scream in your face if you don’t comply. They’ve got trophies for losing, gold stars for “trying,” But when things get hard, all I hear is them sighing. They majored in “Feelings” with a minor in “Woke,” Yet somehow they’re jobless—man, what a joke. They think they’re enlightened, “so deep and profound,” But can’t change a lightbulb when one burns out! (Pre-Chorus) They can’t do math, but they’ll school you online, With Wikipedia facts that they think are divine! (Chorus) Oh, the kids aren’t alright, and they’re also dumb, They panic when they see a setting sun. They think milk comes from stores, not from a cow, And they get all their news from a dude with a brow. Oh, the kids aren’t alright, it’s a tragic case, They can’t spell their name, but they’ll “own” your face. They cry for a reset when life gets tough, But they quit the game ‘cause “it’s just too rough.” (Bridge) Oh, remember the days when kids climbed trees? Now they need an inhaler if they feel a breeze. They used to get dirty, play rough, scrape their knees, Now they sue their parents for emotional fees! (Chorus - Variation) Oh, the kids aren’t alright, and it’s getting worse, They think books are boring, but they’ll rap a verse. They can’t take a joke, but they sure can whine, And they still believe that “exposure” is fine! (Outro) So here’s to the future, it’s looking real bleak, When the dumbest generation is the one that leads. They don’t know history, they don’t know facts, But at least they’ve got filters and video hacks!

“The Kids Aren’t Alright (And They’re Also Dumb)”