No Lifeguard for the Damned

[Spoken intro - close mic, dry, single droning guitar chord]

I stood on the shore that wasn't there.

The lifeguard chair held a skeleton in sunglasses. It said: "You're on your own, freak."

I said: "I know."

It said: "The water's been gone for years. What are you even doing here?"

I pointed to the horizon. Nothing there. Just dust devils and heat waves.

I said: "I'm waiting for a wave that doesn't come. Isn't that what faith is?"

The skeleton laughed. Its jaw fell off.

I put it in my pocket.

Then I looked at the chair. Then I looked at the empty beach. Then I looked at my axe.

[pause]

And I decided—

[Band explodes - shouted]
—I DON'T NEED A LIFEGUARD!
I DON'T NEED A SHORE!
THE RIP CURRENT'S IN MY BLOOD!
I'VE BEEN DROWNING SINCE BEFORE!

[Chorus - screamed]
NO LIFEGUARD FOR THE DAMNED!
NO WHISTLE, NO RED FLAG, NO HAND!
I SWALLOW THE DUST AND I PADDLE ALONE!
THE BEACH IS MY GRAVE AND THE TIDE IS MY THRONE!

[Fast verse - one breath]
PADDLE HARD / NO WATER / NO AIR
JUST THE SOUND OF THE SKELETON LAUGHING IN MY HAIR
I PUT ITS JAW ON MY AXE HANDLE / NOW IT SMILES WITH ME
EVERY TIME I SWING I HEAR: "FREAK, YOU'RE FINALLY FREE"

[Chorus]
NO LIFEGUARD FOR THE DAMNED!
NO WHISTLE, NO RED FLAG, NO HAND!
I SWALLOW THE DUST AND I PADDLE ALONE!
THE BEACH IS MY GRAVE AND THE TIDE IS MY THRONE!

[Guitar solo] – [Six seconds long. Contains 47 notes. Blink and you miss it.]

[Outro - screamed, then fading echo]
NO LIFEGUARD! NO LIFEGUARD! NO LIFEGUARD!
[echo repeats, each repeat quieter]
...no lifeguard...
...no lifeguard...
...no...
[single whisper:] freak.

Surf Rock, male, Key: D minor
· Tempo: 200 BPM (after explosion)