Bloom Before I Break

I am using my imagination

I am using my imagination

Just to stay here

Just to stay breathing

⸻

I don’t know how much more I can take

Sunlight don’t fix what’s bending my shape

Weed makes me panic, meds blur the frame

Tell me how you love life when you sick in the brain

Two thousand miles and I’m still awake

Scrolling your ghost like a wound I replay

Showed you my colors, you left, now it’s gray

I build up hate but I hope you okay

I’m not — I just want an escape

I pop and my ego deflates

I stare at myself and surrender to sound

Just to find out I was fake

Smile on tight but I’m pissed

I don’t show it, I swallow the script

Close friends don’t even know I exist

In this version of me I resist

⸻

I feel like I might disappear

Something inside screaming loud in my ear

Can’t stay happy, it never stays here

Every good moment dissolves into fear

⸻

I feel like I might fall apart

Don’t know what I’m running from

Something heavy inside my heart

Can’t stay bright, never good for long

Thinking maybe it’s you I lost

Nostalgia echoing back

Do you ever miss what we were

Or am I the only one stuck in the past?

⸻

Tab in my pocket, excuse to float

Fabricate hope in a chemical coat

Beat in my chest going mono and slow

I replay every “what if” I wrote

Vanity mirror, I don’t recognize

The body I wear, the blur in my eyes

I picture my life in unfinished lines

Like I’m racing a clock I can’t outrun time

Poker face cracking under the weight

Choking on thoughts I don’t wanna translate

I say I’m fine, but the lie don’t stay

It trembles and leaks in the songs I make

⸻

But I’m still here

Even shaking, I’m still here

Every breath feels borrowed, unclear

But it’s mine, and it means I’m not done

If I bloom, it’ll hurt at first

Growing roots through the dirt and curse

But I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all

So I’m choosing to rise, not fall

⸻

I feel like I might break tonight

But I’m learning to hold my ground

Something inside still wants to fight

Even when silence is screaming loud

If you ever look back at me

Know I tried to become someone

Not a ghost, not a memory

Just a pulse that refused to run

⸻

Bloom to death?

No — bloom through it

Bloom messy

Bloom human

I’m still here

I’m still here

I’m still here