Born into chaos, Mom and Dad barely around I just remember a lot of time at the babysitters house. Meemaw and Pawpaw Bedtime buddies, barbies and bike rides. We became best buds, Chelsea and I. Man time sure really flies. I miss those warm summer nights. 4 years old, I came north Learned how to play in the snow. Those Ohio winters, you know how they go. Parents split, Mama flew south, Daddy chasing addiction. Grandma and grandpa took me in. Life sure looked different now. I started school, played soccer, did dance class and girl scouts. Barely 8 years old when I got the news. I didnt know what I was about to lose! - Grandpa didnt make it back home for christmas. A hospital visit was supposed to fix him. But they didn't. Grandma tried to hold us all together, - Like he did. But she couldnt raise another kid. - Losing him really changed my course, Life took a big turn for the worse. I've learned to stand when I fall down, that hands can hurt, hearts dont always stay around. Lonliness was the constant I found. I learned to survive before I learned to trust, Love felt fragile, like it might give up. Every home I knew was temporary, The world was loud, and it scared me. But I stayed hopeful, even young, That I’d find a love that wouldn’t run. Grandma asked, CSB or Tennessee? Now it was Mama's turn to protect me. I landed in the eagles nest, no idea i was prey! Fresh little birdie, the eagle came and hurt me. Mama turned her head away. - So it was then that I learned how to pray! Taught myself how to stand alone, My little heart just searching for a home. Mama left the eagle, then I flew up north.Summers i went back and forth. Teenage years came and went so fast. I grew up quick living with my dad. I found out about the demons he had, Those few years werent all that bad. But it broke my heart to see him struggle like that. I learned to survive before I learned to trust, Love felt fragile, like it might give up. Every home I knew was temporary, The world was loud, and it scared me But I stayed hopeful, even young, That I’d find a love that wouldn’t run. One day in my late twenties, I met a guy. He was older than me, But he liked my eyes.Our souls seemed to tie, And now we have a little girl, she's 2 and a boy he's 5. - but they didn't get my hazel eyes. Our love story didnt go as planned. He drank too much and he raised his hand.Then he found himself in anothers arms, Even though he tried hard not to cause harm We fought like hell to stay alive, But our love story, - it seems to have died. Two little hearts now call me mom, Just trying my best not to raise them wrong. Wanna give them better than what I knew. I dream of a table where laughter never fades, A house full of love, no one has to chase My kids’ hearts full of the love I gave. A family that started with Mom & Dad, with everything I never had.

Everything I Never Had