My biggest trigger

I know I have issues because of things I have been through in my life so far.
But it's so hard when your biggest trigger is around so much.
It makes it so much harder. 
To get trigger so often. 
But I have to talk to them and stay in touch with them.
I can't just cut them out of my life and be done with it all.
They don't even know that they are my biggest trigger. 
They should, 
but they don't.
I hide it as best I can.
Just to keep a friendly relationship with them.
It's so hard, tho.
I wish I could just tell them. 
But it wouldn't make a difference. 
I have tried in other ways, 
but nothing changes.
I want to just scream it at them.
That they have mentally and verbally abused me so much.
And it continues still.
Why is it so hard to tell them.
They don't even know that they are my biggest trigger.
They should, 
but they don't.
I hide it as best I can.
Just to keep a friendly relationship with them.
It's so hard, tho.
If I speak up, 
I will lose more than I will gain.
So I continue to bite my tongue and just take it.
No matter how hard it is.
I do it for me and for the others involved. 
I have dealt with it this far.
I can keep it up. 
I have to.

female, pop rock, depresive mood