I’m Sorry (Billy Hargrove)

I don’t get redemption arcs.

I get moments.

And mine ran out…

So listen.

California sun burned holes in my skin,

Dad’s fist louder than the words he was in.

Learned real quick how to stay on attack,

If you show weakness, they put a boot in your back.

Every mirror looked like someone I hate,

Every warning sign said I was too late.

I didn’t wake up evil, I woke up afraid,

So I learned how to hurt before I got played.

Anger was armor, fists were my speech,

Cruel was the distance I kept within reach.

I lashed out first so I wouldn’t break,

Turned pain into power, rage into shape.

I was never clean, never right, never safe,

Carried my hell every step that I take.

I know what I did, I know what I caused,

I won’t ask forgiveness — just pause.

If this is the end, let it be true,

I’m sorry… for what I put you through.

Then something crawled inside my head,

Used every scar, every word he said.

Showed me oceans, showed me fire,

Turned my hunger into a choir.

I wasn’t steering — I was chained,

Watching my body commit the pain.

Every scream felt like déjà vu,

Like the monster already knew me too.

I saw her face when I hurt Max,

Saw myself crack but I still snapped back.

She deserved better, I knew it then,

But knowing don’t stop the spiral you in.

I was never clean, never right, never safe,

Carried my hell every step that I take.

I know what I did, I know what I caused,

I won’t ask forgiveness — just pause.

If this is the end, let it be true,

I’m sorry… for what I put you through.

When the smoke cleared, I remembered her,

My mom in the sand, her voice a blur.

She told me once I wasn’t my pain,

But I built my name out of chains.

Saw the kids stand where I always ran,

Saw a girl still reach for my hand.

That’s when I knew — it ends right here,

Not as a monster, not ruled by fear.

I stood in front of it, felt my bones crack,

Didn’t win the war — just pushed it back.

One choice clean in a life gone wrong,

One moment strong after being weak so long.

I won’t pretend I’m healed or good,

I won’t erase what I never could.

But if one act can break the line,

Let it be mine.

I was never clean, never right, never safe,

But I chose the end I’d rather face.

Tell Max I tried, tell her I see,

Tell her the monster wasn’t me.

If these are the words I leave behind,

Let them mean something this time.

I’m sorry.

Not for dying.

For living wrong…

for too long.