Shoulda coulda woulda

(Just remember) all the shoulda coulda woulda's help no one

So instead just do better - from now on

Not long ago while I cut my sons hair

We started talking bout past years

& then, he looked into my eyes and said

"Thank you Mum, I love you" - roll down the tears

So,

I apologized for the times I failed him

He replied nah mum, its all good you gave me the freedom

To just, be myself no matter what that was

And not just for me, but for all 3 of us

& that..

that was the most amazing feels

(I cried)

Hearing my son tell me for reals

(His side)

I go from pride to guilt so quick

knowing all the bits, I did so shit

& though I know I tried

Cant stop this feeling inside...

I wish I could go back, & show up the way I know now I should

But instead I gotta hope they know I did what I could

The shame the guilt I wasnt there I wasnt good

If a chance came to take it back, do it again - you know that

I fucken would! If I could..

Its never too late to show up for your kid

Even if they've left home

They'll always remember the times you did

Good & the times they were left alone

When instead they needed you there

But you werent you were nowhere

Childhood imprints the brain

Adulthood footprints can be retrained

So even though you cant go back & change the past mistakes you made

Where you fucked up, dissappeared not show up when they felt afraid

Step up, be consistent, its never too late

Show up how you wished you had back then

Its not the fall its the rise from the ash state

The pasts guilt can cripple, so instead - choose redemption

But instead

I have to get it in my head

That all the shoulda coulda woulda's help no one

All I can do is just do better from now on

I look back to the past 20 years

Thats when I became a mum

I had no idea I'd end up here

41 with a daughter & 2 sons

I wanna go back, show up then, the way I know now I should

And I gotta hope they know I did what I could

The shame the guilt I wasnt there I wasnt good

I hope for a chance to take it all back you know that I would - if I could..

Step up, be consistent, its never too late

Show up how you wished you had back then

Its not the fall its the rise from the ash state

The pasts guilt can cripple, so instead - choose redemption [fade]

And remember all the shoulda coulda woulda's help no one

So instead just do better from now on

[Mom] "I Love you son"