Your Only Option (Is Me)

(Fast, driving 4/4 drum intro and a chunky guitar riff)

(Verse 1)

It's 1:58, the lights just came on

Your two best friends already called a Lyft and gone

You've been checkin' your phone since a quarter to ten

Swiped left on Kyle, swiped left on Ben

I saw you order that drink with the tiny umbrella

And tell the bartender you're "so done with fellas"

You're looking 'round now, with that look of defeat

And I'm the only other loser on his feet

(Chorus)

So... do I creep you out? Or is this just fate?

I'm pretty sure your middle name is Kate

(Or maybe Grace? I heard you mumble)

You're running out of time, the bouncer's at the door

You're not exactly what I was looking for

And I'm a weirdo with obsessive traits

But I'm the best you'll do tonight, so let's make some mistakes!

(Verse 2)

I really liked the way you fake-laughed at that joke

From the guy in the blazer who smelled like cheap smoke

I know you hate this song, I saw you roll your eyes

(It's "Wagon Wheel," I hate it too, what a surprise)

I know you work in dental, second floor on Main

I saw the logo on the jacket that you stained

When you spilled your Schnapps, that was 11:03

You're a total mess, and you're perfect for me

(Chorus)

Oh, do I creep you out? Or is this just fate?

I'm 90% positive your middle name is Kate!

You're running out of time, the bouncer's at the door

You're not exactly what I was looking for

And I'm a weirdo with obsessive traits

But I'm the best you'll do tonight, so let's make some mistakes!

(Bridge)

(Music drops down, palm-muted and building)

Look, I'm not a model. You're not a 10.

Chances are we'll never do this again

I've got a coupon for the diner down the street

We can get some breakfast, isn't that sweet?

I already know you like your pancakes dry

From the Instagram post you made back in July

My '03 sedan is parked right out the back

It's got a leaky tire and a window crack...

(Final Chorus)

(Music explodes back in, full energy)

SO, DO I CREEP YOU OUT? OR IS THIS JUST FATE?

I'M GONNA STICK WITH KATE, IT'S DEFINITELY KATE!

You're running out of time, the bouncer's at the door

You're not exactly what I was looking for

And I'm a weirdo with obsessive traits

But I'm the best you'll do tonight, so let's make some mistakes!

Yeah, I'm the best you'll do tonight, come on, don't wait!

(Outro Riff)

(Music stops)

...It was Kate, right?