Tripping Balls at Dick’s Sporting Goods

Yeah…

Walked into Dick’s just to buy some socks…

Now the mannequins talking and the kayaks breathing…

Walked through the doors and the basketballs waved,

Fishing rods bending like they stuck in a rave,

Employee said “Welcome,” voice sounded delayed,

Thought the shoe section opened up a portal today.

I’m staring at tents like they houses for elves,

Dumbbells whispering “believe in yourself,”

Tried on Crocs now I’m feeling too powerful,

Running through the aisles like an emotional squirrel.

Saw a treadmill moving but nobody there,

Thought it gained consciousness and wanted healthcare,

Baseball gloves clapping like they starting a prayer,

Meanwhile I’m eating trail mix frozen in a stare.

I’m tripping balls at Dick’s Sporting Goods,

Hugging footballs cause they understood,

Camping aisle got me feeling spiritual,

Talking to a kayak like it’s philosophical.

Tripping balls at Dick’s Sporting Goods,

Everything smelling like beef jerky woods,

Thought the mannequin blinked — man I almost cried,

Now I’m moonwalking through the hunting supplies.

Went to grab a hoodie, hoodie grabbed me back,

Sneakers on the wall started judging my stats,

Bowling balls looking like forbidden snacks,

And the golf clubs singing old Nickelback.

Saw a worker stocking baseball bats,

I said “bro… your aura look like Apple Jacks,”

He slowly backed away, called somebody named Chad,

Now security watching while I pet sleeping bags.

The bicycles lined up like a Tour de France gang,

One little bell went ding ding dang,

I saluted every mannequin thinking they outranked,

Then got emotionally attached to a stainless steel tank.

Why the fish finder talking to me?

Why the camping lantern know my history?

Why the tennis balls look like tiny moons?

Why I been lost in here for seven afternoons?

I’m tripping balls at Dick’s Sporting Goods,

Trying on helmets like I probably should,

Thought the fake deer head started giving advice,

Now I’m fist bumping coolers full of ice.

Tripping balls at Dick’s Sporting Goods,

Heartbeat synced with the hardwood woods,

Manager asked if I needed some help,

I said “nah man… I found myself.”

Bought nothing…

Left with a fishing license, three basketballs,

A camouflage lawn chair…

And spiritual enlightenment.