Aisle 9 Conversations

Yeah…

I walked in for milk and bread…

Now the broccoli talkin’ reckless to me.

Why the grapes whisperin’?

I ain’t built for this.

Walked in the store feelin’ wavy as hell,

Cart got hydraulics, cereal castin’ spells,

Bananas started laughin’, said my shoes look fake,

Then the frozen pizza blinked and said, “Bro, you need a break.”

I said, “Hold up… did the ketchup just move?”

Mac and cheese hit a backflip right outta the groove,

Pickles in the jar lookin’ angry and mean,

One yelled, “BUY THE RANCH OR WE CAUSIN’ A SCENE.”

Now I’m hidin’ in the aisle by the canned ravioli,

Talkin’ to a watermelon actin’ like he know me,

He said, “Life is round, man… float with the tide,”

Then a loaf of sourdough started cryin’ inside.

I’m trippin’ balls in the grocery store,

Talkin’ to groceries on aisle four,

The lettuce keep tellin’ me “follow your dreams,”

While the whipped cream screamin’ random things.

Beans got opinions, yogurt got beef,

I had a full debate with a package of cheese,

Cashier looked scared when I saluted the yams,

Said, “Sorry ma’am… the carrots my fam.”

Energy drink told me I should start a band,

Then the soup cans formed a marching clan,

Old lady stared while I dapped up a pear,

But the pear seemed chill so I honestly cared.

The gummy worms started givin’ life advice,

Said, “Never trust a dude wearin’ socks with slides,”

Then the onions got emotional and started to sob,

Now the rotisserie chicken think he my boss.

He said, “Listen here son, stay focused and strong,”

I said, “Brother… you been cooked for too long,”

Then the scanner beeped in perfect harmony,

Self-checkout makin’ techno beats at me.

And I swear the Capri Suns were plotting…

Little silver pouches lookin’ dangerous.

One winked at me.

I don’t even think juice can wink.

I’m trippin’ balls in the grocery store,

Talkin’ to groceries on aisle four,

The cabbage said, “brother, heal your soul,”

Then a bag of Doritos ate my self-control.

Peanut butter think he know karate,

Turkey slices tryna start a party,

Manager asked if I needed some help,

I said, “Nah man… I’m communicating with shelf.”

Walked in for snacks around 2:03,

Left six hours later with celery,

No milk… no bread… no clue where I’ve been…

But the muffins told me…

“See you again.” 🍞👁️