Concrete Pillow

Yeah…

Cold nights…

No address… just regrets…

⸻

Concrete pillow, cardboard bed

City lights flicker over my head

Backpack full of everything left

Couple dirty shirts and a head full of stress

Used to have keys, used to have pride

Now I just got demons I can’t outrun inside

Meth in my veins make the hunger go mute

Heroin hush when the pain too acute

Cocaine nights when I don’t wanna sleep

Pills slow the thoughts that get too deep

Bottle my therapist, cheap relief

But the morning come back with doubled grief

I see my reflection in a store front glass

Sunken eyes, ghost from my past

Tell myself, “Just one more hit”

Same lie every time I slip

⸻

I’m fighting for my life on a sidewalk street

Trying to stay clean while the devil don’t sleep

Every craving whisper soft and sweet

But freedom ain’t cheap… freedom ain’t cheap

I’m fighting for my soul in the pouring rain

Trying to wash off all this shame

One day strong, next day weak

But I’m still on my feet… I’m still on my feet

⸻

Cold sweats shaking through my bones

Detox demons calling my phone

“Just one taste, you’ll feel okay”

That’s what they said yesterday

I watched friends fade into the ground

Overdosed, no one around

Sirens sing that lullaby

Another mother asking “why?”

I ain’t proud of the things I done

Bridges burned till I had none

Stole from love, lied to blood

Turned trust into dust and mud

But somewhere deep under all this dirt

A little voice say, “You still got worth.”

Even when I’m at my worst

Even when the cravings burst

⸻

I remember who I used to be

Before the pipes, before the needles

Before the powder owned my dreams

Before I traded hope for evil

I don’t want this cycle no more

Don’t want to wake up on this floor

I want my name to mean something

Not another chalk outline story

⸻

Thirty days clean feel like war

Thirty-one knocking at the door

Every hour like a test I take

But every sunrise prove I don’t break

Hands still shake but I don’t fold

Learning how to feel the cold

Without a chemical disguise

Without the artificial highs

They say recovery ain’t straight

It zig-zag through love and hate

But every step away from that line

Is one step closer to being mine

I ain’t just a fiend, I ain’t just a stain

I’m a man rebuilding from pain

Homeless don’t mean hopeless soul

I’m more than the drugs that stole control

⸻

I’m fighting for my life on a sidewalk street

Trying to stay clean while the devil don’t sleep

Every craving whisper soft and sweet

But freedom ain’t cheap… freedom ain’t cheap

I’m fighting for my soul in the pouring rain

Trying to outgrow all this pain

Might fall down but I won’t stay weak

I’m still on my feet… I’m still on my feet

⸻

Concrete pillow…

But I’m still breathing.

And that’s a start.