Don’t Let Devon Bunk With Me

“Don’t Let Devon Bunk With Me” (Unhinged Edition)

Part 3 of the Devon Saga
Genre: Comedy Country-Rap
By: The Crew
Theme: Devon is a walking disaster and a total weirdo when it comes to sharing a room

⸻

[Intro – Joe]

We survived the truck rides.
We survived the full-pack jobs.
But you put Devon in my hotel room again?
Corporate—you got blood on your hands.

⸻

[Verse 1 – Dillon]

He pulled a lizard out his bag like it’s normal,
Said “he helps me sleep,” bro that ain’t formal.
Turned the heat to eighty-four,
Then laid on the floor, whisperin’ “no more wars.”

He brought his own shower curtain.
Hung it up like, “This one’s for cleansing.” Certain.
Taped a bag of Doritos to the A/C vent,
Said it’s “snack breeze,” I don’t know what that meant.

⸻

[Hook – All]

Don’t let Devon bunk with me,
He did a handstand just to pee.
Put my toothbrush in the mini-fridge,
Talked to the lamp like it’s his kid.
He sleepwalks in cowboy boots and jeans,
Tried to baptize me with Mr. Clean.
Nah, don’t let Devon bunk with me!

⸻

[Verse 2 – Brandon]

Caught him starin’ at the fire alarm,
Whisperin’ “she’s watchin’, but she mean no harm.”
He stretched in bed like a yoga cult,
Then did pushups and screamed, “FOR THE SALT.”

He wore the shower cap for fashion,
Built a fort with pillows like it’s his passion.
Left a sock full of peanut butter in the sink,
Said, “That’s my midnight energy drink.”

⸻

[Hook – All]

Don’t let Devon bunk with me,
He brought tarot cards and started to read.
Lit a candle in the microwave tray,
Then tried to bless me with Frito-Lay.
He talked to the closet for an hour straight,
Said “the pants in there… control our fate.”
Yo—don’t let Devon bunk with me!

⸻

[Verse 3 – Paul]

He taped googly eyes on the hotel door,
Said, “Now it can see what it’s truly for.”
He sniffed my towel and called it “vintage,”
Then tried to auction it off on Pinterest.

Woke up once—he was fully dressed,
On top the dresser yellin’ “I need rest!”
Put shampoo in the coffeepot like soup,
Then told me he “trained with a moose troop.”

⸻

[Final Hook – All]

Don’t let Devon bunk with me,
He made a tent out of shower debris.
Spoke Latin backwards to the desk phone,
Said “the prophecy’s near, I ain’t alone.”
He winked at the fridge and said “she’s hot,”
Tried to marry a towel in the parking lot.
Please don’t let Devon bunk with me!

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