Iron Grandma

(Verse 1 – same iconic rhythm)

Has she lost her mind?

Can’t find dentures, now she’s blind

Walks right through the wall

Screamed at Alexa, punched the hall

Takes her pills at four

Then forgets what they were for

Slaps you with her cane

While yelling something ’bout John Wayne

⸻

(Verse 2 – distorted guitar hits harder)

Used to bake the best peach pie

Now she’s high from too much rye

Microwaved a fork last night

Set the curtains all alight

⸻

(Chorus)

Iron Grandma, on the loose

Ran down bingo in her boots

Took her scooter, maxed the speed

Flipped off cops — then made some tea

⸻

(Verse 3 – stomping beat)

Dropped her phone inside the soup

Texted Satan by the scoop

Watched her stories, cursed the screen

Thinks the news is Halloween

⸻

(Bridge – slow and doom-laced)

She don’t care what you believe

Thinks the mailman’s deep state grief

If you question her report

She’ll throw your ass in family court

⸻

(Final Chorus – full chaos)

Iron Grandma, feared and proud

Yells “Get bent!” then draws a crowd

Knits a blanket, drinks a beer

Told the preacher “bite my rear!”