Unheard bliss

"Hiya friends"

"DO YOU WANNA know how I feel on this very special day?"

my ribs creak

when i breathe too deep

like my bones remember

what it cost to keep

everything in

when i should’ve screamed

choked on pride

till it cut in streams

i bleed in the dark

so nobody’d stare

but they looked anyway —

like i wasn’t even there

left love no hope

left god no joke

said “i’m fine”

with my hands ice-cold

i was dying inside

while they scrolled past slow

every post, every sigh

just a "like" for the show

stomach full of sludge

i kept calling it hunger

but it was grief, just dressed up

like the dark hunter

they loved me

as long as i performed

as long as my pain

was tragic — not deformed

but i don't smile pretty

i don't beg sweet

i don’t fold into poems

i just grind my teeth

Scratch marks

in the palms of my fists

i held in the screams

till they turned into cysts

now i leak when i laugh

ooze when i sleep

can't tell if it's tears

or blood that I weep

i said i’d heal

but i lied to cope

kept the blade in my bag

like a backup hope

kept the guilt in my throat

like a song i choke

kept the ghosts in my bed

like a cruel, inside joke

Society says “time will fix you”

but I never can keep up

With it's hands.

every second’s another

i trusted

someone to care

and they didn’t

someone to see me

and they didn’t

someone to hold on

but they quit it

left me with versions

of me that don’t fit it

showered in shame

dried off with sheets,

wore my regrets

like a suit to the violence

no god left

just graveyard prayers

and apologies

they whispered

into vacant chairs

still i breathe

but it’s out of spite

still i speak

though it don’t sound right

still i stand

though the ground feels thin

and if i fall?

don’t invite them in

‘cause i bled for this peace

and it cost too much

to let ghosts who watched

now fake their touch

i'm not your fixer' upper

not your comeback friend

i'm the version of pain

you can't pretend

you didn’t help

you didn’t stay

you didn’t ask

if i was okay

so don’t act like you care

now that i made it out

when you watched it disappear

without a shout