“Tonight I Stay the Gun”

The room feels smaller when the night comes down
Thoughts get loud when there’s no one around
I’ve memorized the cracks in the ceiling again
Every “what if” feels heavier than “when”
I tell myself I’m tired, not weak
But tired’s a word that don’t let me sleep


I’ve walked this edge more times than I’ll say
Stared down the dark like it knew my name


Tonight I stay the gun
I stay my hand, I stay right here
Even if I don’t see the sun
Even if the pain don’t disappear
I don’t call it hope, I call it breath
One more second stealing time from death
Tonight I stay the gun


People say it gets better like it’s guaranteed
Like tomorrow signed a deal with me
They don’t hear the war inside my chest
Where living feels harder than the rest
But there’s a voice buried under the noise
Says “you’ve survived every night before”


I ain’t brave, I’m just not done
There’s still a war and I’m still one


Tonight I stay the gun
I stay my hand, I stay alive
Even if I don’t feel strong
Even if I’m just getting by
I don’t need answers, I don’t need a sign
Just one reason not to cross that line
Tonight I stay the gun


Maybe tomorrow ain’t fixed yet
Maybe my story ain’t over
Maybe the fact that I’m still here
Means the pain don’t own me forever
I think of names I couldn’t leave behind
Faces that would break if I said goodbye


So I sit with the hurt
Let it pass like a wave
I don’t have to win
I just have to stay


Tonight I stay the gun
I choose the ache over the end
I choose the fight, I choose the mess
I choose to try again
If living’s just an act of defiance
Then let this be my violence
Tonight I stay the gun


If tomorrow comes quiet, I’ll meet it then
But tonight…
Tonight I stay

folk, soul, blues, and rock, with strong elements of gospel, R&B, and indie, Southern Gothic, male voice