Diplomatic Disaster

Diplomatic Disasters (Conner & Aiden in Iran)

Genre: Middle Eastern–influenced Comedy Rap
Vibe: Darbuka-heavy beat, oud licks, rhythmic claps, layered with boom-bap drums and comedic swagger

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[Intro – News Reporter (Arabic-accented English)]

Breaking news from the State Department…
The United States has sent two new diplomats to Iran:
Conner and Aiden.
InshAllah… may the world survive.

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[Verse 1 – Conner]

Pulled up to Tehran in a Square Cow van,
Wore a tank top that just said “I RAN.”
Brought beef jerky as a cultural gift,
Tried to dap the clerics—immediate rift.

I called their president “bro,” then winked,
Told CNN we’d solved it—I barely blinked.
Accidentally dropped a vape in the shrine,
Then asked if the Ayatollah “watched my TikTok line.”

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[Verse 2 – Aiden]

I thought foreign policy meant road trip rules,
So I shotgun’d a Monster inside the schools.
Pulled out my phone and Googled “Iran map,”
Then asked if they “take Venmo for gas.”

I said “yo we brought peace… and barbecue,”
Waved a Hot Pocket at a passing crew.
Gave the ambassador a Fortnite code,
Then asked where “the spicy camels go.”

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[Hook – Chorus w/ Middle Eastern Melody]

🎶 Diplomatic disasters, democracy on thin ice,
Sent Conner and Aiden, now we payin’ the price.
They tried to sign treaties with vape pens and fries,
Now half the globe just rolled their eyes. 🎶

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[Verse 3 – Iranian Official (stylized)]

They arrive, boom box play loud, something called “Nickelback,”
Said, “This one saved my cousin in Iraq.”
One makes ketchup flag on royal seat,
Other scream “shawarma?”—no grace, just heat.

He bring Chick-fil-A like treaty snack,
Said, “We cool now?” — while layin’ back.
Then FaceTime during sacred prayer,
Snap a selfie — shirtless, unaware.

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[Verse 4 – Conner & Aiden (together)]

Yeah we solved peace like it’s Minecraft mode,
Made sanctions worse, but the vibes were gold.
Told the U.N. we got “rizz for days,”
Then moonwalked through a missile bay.

Got kicked out twice, then snuck back in,
Gave a TED Talk on “Freedom and Pecs and Skin.”
Now we’re viral for all the wrong reasons,
Diplomats of the year… in losing seasons.

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[Final Hook – Group Chant w/ Oud & Claps]

🎶 Diplomatic disasters, oiled in shame,
Aiden brought fireworks, Conner brought blame.
Asked for “hookah with hummus and girls,”
Now there’s beef with half the world. 🎶
🎶 Diplomatic disasters, this ain’t a drill,
They’re banned in Belgium, and Canada still.
From Waffle House to warzone kings—
They came, they saw… they ruined things. 🎶

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[Outro – Oud Solo & Fading Drum Loop]

Conner voice fading:
“Yo, next stop—North Korea, baby…”

Middle Eastern Rap, male