Buried pain

I smile to hide the pain buried deep inside me

I was told as a told as a child that crying showed weakness and that I could trust no because you never know whose praying on your downfall

So here I am all grown up trust issues so obvious that my heart is sinking through ha

Thanks a lot mama now I don’t know how to love when it comes to relationships so does that make me heartless

Everyone’s looking at me like im some alien born out of nothing but this is how you made

So why are staring at me like im stranger this is how you raised me

Everyone’s a hypocrite ain’t they always yelling about taking responsibility but no one takes accountability for how I raised

I’m a monster of your teachings so how come you don’t praise me yeah

So im smiling to hide the pain buried deep inside

Now everyone’s wondering why I don’t cry when I attend funerals jokes on all you

Cause if you knew you’d know I laugh when I’m buried in grief so I that I don’t show ‘weakness’

Reality is harsher then I ever imagined I see so many people bearing their souls in emotions and getting carried away by it

But I was raised that doing such things in public was a disgrace and a sign of weakness

So im smiling and laughing with tears in my eyes like a crazy person

Why can’t all of you see im hurting just like you so why you pointing and calling me a monster

Nobody see’s that I was once a chill who child who child who always cried being told to shut up and stop crying

Now that I’m finally doing what I was raised to do I’m monster and a demon

I swear everyone’s a hypocrite you all made me a monster so why don’t you take accountability ha