this one is me talking to me wrote this shit like no one would hear it (Verse 1 – introspective nergy) Yeah, I was stuck in the dark, Didn’t know where to start, Every day felt heavy Like a weight on my heart. I was hiding from the mirror, Didn’t like what I’d see, Told myself I was nothing, Man, didn’t feel me. Living scared of the light, Didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, Didn’t care about life. All the pain I was holding Was a storm unannounced— Bottle after bottle just to try To quiet the sound. ( in my mind) (Hook –melodic/rap blend) I’m not who I was, Had to crawl through the dust. Every tear that I shed Was a moment I grew up. Yeah, I carried that pain Like a badge I ain’t love— But I fought through the flame Just to prove I’m enough. I’m not— I’m not who I was. (Verse 2 – faster flow) Look— I was spiraling fast, Didn’t think I would last. Poppin’ anything I found Tryna fade from the past. I was drowning in the habits, Only thought was suicide Couldn’t escape the pain inside Pill mix with alcohol to numb my life Weed to numb all the feelings alright Who I was Who I was (Yeah ) Lost my dad at 22 crazy thing is 22 is my favorite number but dealt with more suffering then i want to remember every day was rainy weather but Really never got the chance to thank you it’s been 4 years still miss you Relationship was shaky At the end I was blessed to have had you As my dad All memories in my brain are small forever be remembered As a father pushing his kid to do better You served in Vietnam Just to escape your reality Funny how I do that same shit too But I use alcohol I’m starting to abuse it too Is this me from my past or current me talkin At this point what’s the difference Only difference im not as bad as I was I’m lucky I’m not 6 feet under from an od of drugs 35 shot in one night somehow I woke up Cutting my wrists to see my blood come up Not for attention either I used my nails to cut me deep. I was hoping it would finally put me to sleep Thoughts about a knife But only in my dream when I slept at night Depression is candle I’m scared to touch If the flame goes out my time might be up. ( time is up) I don’t fear death I fear being alive All the nights I was numb, All the days I was high, Every problem I faced I kept choosing to run. But the pain kept chasing, Had me locked in a cage— Till I snapped, stood up, Get the hell out my way. Now I’m fighting for peace, Not the high or the thrill. I’m learning healing don’t come From a bottle or pills. Had to face my reflection, Had to bleed, had to trust… Had to kill who I was To become who I must. (Bridge – soft, reflective) Yeah, the scars still show, But they tell me how far I’ve come. I ain’t proud of the things I’ve done, proud of the battle I won. (Final Hook) I’m not who I was, All that pain, all that dust— I turned it into strength, Turned it into love. Now I stand on the past Like it’s under my boots… I ain’t running from life — I’m not— I’m not who I was