Im Your Ghost

Texas memories fuck with my Cali nights

Loved too damn hard, caught in endless fights

Busted my ass as provider for five straight years

Then hit rock bottom with nobody to catch my tears

They say "fake that shit 'til you make it" – that's a lie

Can't force this pain away, no matter how hard I try

Her crying face at that hotel still cuts me deep

Talking 'bout "we can fix this" – bitch, where was that energy last week?

Now I'm just floating through this bullshit

Ghost of who I used to be(ugh)

Trapped between the real and fake shit

My kindness was all these vultures could see[Repeat x2](They said to fake it till you make it but bitch you fake and you aint faking)

Started with blow, spiraled to crystal

Felt my mind snap, dancing with the devil

Told her straight up I was losing my damn soul

Body wasting to nothing, down to bones

Took care of my son while you ran wild

Learned to be a father with no fucking guide

Then CPS snatched the kids, thought we'd get tight

Instead you spread your legs for some other guy that night

Now I'm just floating through this bullshit

Ghost of who I used to be(ugh)

Trapped between the real and fake shit

My kindness was all these vultures could see

DNA test – 99.8, he's blood of my blood

But three states away when he said his first words, goddamn

Missed first steps, first teeth – shit tears me apart

Paid for all my services, did my part

While these lonely nights become my new normal

They twist the narrative like I'm the criminal

When all I ever did was bleed for you all

Gave everything I had 'til I took the fall

BPD diagnosis after I bounced out

Mind in chaos while I'm trying to figure this shit out

"Can't live without you" she said – now won't text back

Empty words from lips that moved on hella fast

Fucking with someone eleven years younger than me

Close to our daughter's age – how fucked can you be?

Try to let go but these feelings got me chained

Heart follows its own path, drowning in the pain

Past shadows stalking me, can't shake this shit(nah)

Memories like handcuffs, wrists still bruised from it

But in these Cali skies, might find a sliver of light

Through the Texas darkness, still got some fight(ugh)

Now I'm just floating through this bullshit

Ghost of who I used to be(bitch)

Trapped between the real and fake shit

My kindness was all these vultures could see[Repeat x2](They said to fake it till you make it but bitch you fake and you aint fakin)

Being real took me straight to the bottom

Built my life on love that was rotten

In a better space but the rage still burns

Rebuilding from ashes, taking hard turns

Not dead yet, but not fully alive

Just floating through, trying to survive

At times my ego thrives, others its modest as a mouse.

Shit, sometimes all we really can do is float on

, but my feet drag like boulders

At times I feel like atlas with the world on my shoulders

Atlas, how do you float on? With this weight on your shoulders