Rear view Mirror

What kind of man tries
To die in front of his daughter?
I remember watching the rope fall
Like my pain didn’t matter.

You didn’t care I was watching
When you rounded the corner with that pistol,
Left me frozen on the staircase
While you and the cops stood at a standstill.

That doesn’t compare
To riding in the car with some stranger,
Little kid in the front seat
Watching you trade money for a rager.

Hidden in the pocket of my car seat
Was what you held most dear,
Did you make sure you had it all
Before you left me in your rearview mirror?

I grew up too fast in a house full of ghosts
Little girl on the stairs while the sirens got close
You left more than scars when you walked out that door
Now I’m building a life from the pieces you tore

I was just a kid in the front seat alone
While you chased every high that you needed to hold
You gave me your blood but you left me to cope
Now I carry the weight of a house full of ghosts

And every mile you drove just made it clearer
I was fading in your rearview mirror.

For everything you broke
You never apologized once
Because of you I learned to run
When I should’ve learned to trust.

Now I keep everyone out
Bottle pain up inside
‘Cause I’m scared my broken pieces
Might break somebody else’s life.

I’d be lying if I said
Growing up without you was easy
How do I become myself
When my own father couldn’t see me?

I grew up too fast in a house full of ghosts
Little girl on the stairs while the sirens got close
You left more than scars when you walked out that door
Now I’m building a life from the pieces you tore

I was just a kid in the front seat alone
While you chased every high that you needed to hold
You gave me your blood but you left me to cope
Now I carry the weight of a house full of ghosts

And every mile you drove just made it clearer
I was fading in your rearview mirror.

Twenty-four years
And one apology later
Now the weight’s on my shoulders
Like forgiveness is a favor.

You might be my father
But I will never call you dad
So don’t come claim the credit
For the good parts that I have.

You gave me your blood
But you never gave guidance
Everything that I became
I built in your silence.

You ever wonder what a kid remembers?
Not birthdays, not toys, not the weather.
It’s sirens screaming through midnight air,
And a rope hitting wood on the stairs.

It’s a rearview mirror getting smaller
While a little girl tries not to holler.
You drove off chasing something to numb you…
And left the damage sitting right here.

I grew up too fast in a house full of ghosts
Little girl on the stairs while the sirens got close
You left more than scars when you walked out that door
But I turned all that pain into something that’s more

I was just a kid in the front seat alone
While you chased every high that you needed to hold
You gave me your blood but you left me to cope
Now I’m stronger than the ghosts you left in that home

Every mile you drove just made it clearer
I was never just your rearview mirror.

female, rap