Quarter-Life Thesis

[Verse 1]
Two hours of sleep
Fourteen unread mails
My supervisor writes
“In short
” five more details
Coffee in a jar
Labeled “control group A”
Pretty sure my soul
Is in IRB today
[Chorus]
This is my quarter-life thesis
On how to barely survive
Got a spreadsheet full of regrets
And a plant that’s half-alive
If this is “following passion”
Why’s my eye twitch all the time?
Welcome to grad school madness
Pay in data
Not in dimes
[Verse 2]
Lab coat on the chair
Like it quit before me
Fridge full of samples
And someone’s sad lunch meat
Group chat says “Just breathe”
Then sends ten job rejections
We bond over snacks
And shared impostor questions
[Chorus]
This is my quarter-life thesis
On how to barely survive
Got a spreadsheet full of regrets
And a plant that’s half-alive
If this is “following passion”
Why’s my eye twitch all the time?
Welcome to grad school madness
Pay in data
Not in dimes
[Bridge]
[Band drops to drums and bass]
My friends buy houses
I buy highlighters
They post cute babies
I post “co-authors?” (hey!)
If knowledge is power
Where’s my dental plan?
I can prove I’m tired
With a p-value
Man
[Chorus]
This is my quarter-life thesis
On how to barely survive
Got a calendar of deadlines
And a diet of instant rice
If this is “living the dream”
Why’s my rent due all the time?
Welcome to grad school madness
Punchline of my own life (oh yeah)

rock, Loose indie rock band feel, male vocals. Crunchy guitars with a jangly top end, swung mid-tempo groove, dry punchy drums. Verses stay talky and deadpan, bass driving the sarcasm; chorus explodes with shout-along gang vocals and brighter overdriven guitars. Brief half-time breakdown before last chorus, leaving plenty of air for the vocal jokes to land., indie rock, comedy