[Verse 1] Lord… I gotta say this here ‘cause I can’t say it at home. I walk in that door and I’m “solid,” but inside I’m not. I’m tired down in the bone. Everybody says I’m strong like that means I don’t bleed. They say “Nate got it,” like I don’t shake when I crawl to sleep. Truth? There were nights I didn’t know if I’d make tomorrow. Sat in the dark, chest tight, mouth shut, drowning quiet. Nobody saw it. That’s how alone it gets. That’s how a grown man dies slow with a straight face. [Hook] If I break… who’s gonna hold ‘em when I’m gone? If I break… who keeps this roof on? They pray I don’t fall, but if I do fall who carries ‘em all? Tell me that. If I break… who catches my wife when she shakes? If I break… who keeps the dogs off the gate? I keep breathing ‘cause I can’t let go. That’s the only reason I’m still here, Lord. You know. [Verse 2] They see vacations, money, cars. “Boss man, he made it.” They don’t see scars. They don’t the fear. Fear of letting down the ones I swore to protect. Fear of meeting You and hearing, “You fed ‘em, but you didn’t know me.” That’s what haunts me. Not death. But Disappointing You. I teach people now ‘cause nobody taught me, but really I’m saying, “God, forgive what I did in not believe’n in you.” [Hook] If I break… who’s gonna stand in that door? If I break… who tells the wolves “no more”? They think I can’t crack. Truth is, I already cracked. I just sew it shut and walk out calm. [Verse 3] Here’s the part I can’t say out loud: Some days I feel gone already. Body here, voice steady, soul half missing. And yeah, some nights I hear that voice sayin’: “Leave. You did enough. Rest. Give up already” I sure won’t. But that pull is real. Only You know that what I’m sayin’ is real. Understand me: I never ran. Even when I wanted to vanish, I never ran. No No No Noooo [Hook] If I break… who’s gonna stand in that door? If I break… who tells the wolves “no more”? They think I can’t crack. Truth is, I already cracked. I just sew it shut and walk out calm. [prayer/spoken over the band fading] Forgive me father for I have sinned. I know that without the Lord I won’t win. I put my love in you - trust you’ll see me through- forgive me for the lies, Lord I’m aiming for the truth. And I know that’s in you. You sacrificed your son - they still deny your existence - they still deny your claim…to the kingdom that awaits. You’re the light in the darkness and I’m looking to you, for all the things you taught me Amen [Hook] So if I break… stand where I stood. If I break… guard what I would. Write this on me when I’m done: He never let it fall, even when he could have. He put his faith in you Lord, his love was steadfast for you God.

If I Break?!