All I've Got

It feels like the weight of the entire fucking world has been placed on my chest

Like no matter what I’m going through I’m expected to do it without consequence

Like carrying around the weight of an entire family isn’t supposed to make me stressed

Sometimes I’m depressed from this mess but I still keep pushing on and trying my best

My girl’s in the hospital for like the 30th time or so and I don’t know what I can do

She overcame cancer but the fallout has been just as bad as the treatments she had to go through

The kids asking questions like how am I supposed to answer when I’m stressing about the shit too

When you’re always doing things for seemingly everyone you know there’s no time left for you

And I know I need some kind of a release but it feels like I don’t even have a moment to myself

I’ve had my own demons I’ve had to wrestle without adding these issues to my mental health

The people I’ve lost, the abortion and the thoughts, abuses, and the pics that had been sent to my cell

But I just keep on tucking it away cause today and yesterday are not about the things that I’ve felt

But it’s hard not to feel defeated when my energy’s depleted from the things that I cannot control

“You need to take a moment for yourself” and “I need you now more than ever” is part of what I’m told

Like the same people who don’t reach out until the need something could ever fix this stranglehold

Well fuck you and your fake advice this is my life and I’m the one who carries this weight on my soul

It’s hard to make moves when I don’t know what’s right

I can’t afford to come out of the wrong side of this fight

This is all that I’ve got

This is all that I’ve got

2x

I spent some time earlier today talking to one of my best friends that I consider like a brother

We started talking about cancer and regrets he has from the time when he had lost his mother

And how time can run by so quick until you lose someone and can’t help but sit and wonder

About what you would have done different if you knew these were the last moments with each other

I couldn’t help but to reflect on someone’s death that I couldn’t help but feel responsible for

A friend I had been so close to that I pushed away until the day that she couldn’t take it anymore

I will never forget that moment I got the call telling me the news and I felt guilt hit me to the core

Knowing she had put that gun to her mouth, all alone, knowing that I could have been there more

It’s hard to make moves when I don’t know what’s right

I can’t afford to come out of the wrong side of this fight

This is all that I’ve got

This is all that I’ve got

2x

I don’t know what you’re expecting of me, I’m only human too

There’s only so much time and energy and things that I can do

I’ll keep on fighting and pushing and doing everything I can for you

But the fight has gotten to me too

It’s hard to make moves when I don’t know what’s right

I can’t afford to come out of the wrong side of this fight

This is all that I’ve got

-this fight

This is all that I’ve got

This is all that I've got

I'm fighting with all that I've got