Back to the Old Me

[Verse 1]
Phone full of texts I don’t open
Mute every call, let it ring
Mom say she proud, yeah, I’m coping
By pouring up too much of that thing
Old friends say I’m changing again
I laugh like I don’t even care
“Thought you were done with all that”
Yeah, I thought it too, I swear
[Chorus]
Feel like going back to the old me
Cup too dark, heart too cold, see
I was numb, it was easy to breathe
If I don’t feel a thing, then I can’t bleed
Feel like going back to the old me (old me)
Sink real slow where they can’t hold me
If I disappear, just let me be
If I don’t feel a thing, then I can’t bleed
[Verse 2]
Used to wake up sick, still sippin
Vomit in the sink, still trippin (yeah)
Told my lil sis “I’ll quit it”
Now I’m in the mirror, might risk it
Therapist say “you gotta sit with the hurt”
I’d rather just drift off the earth
Every time life start getting too real
I start thinking ’bout that old dirt
[Chorus]
Feel like going back to the old me
Cup too dark, heart too cold, see
I was numb, it was easy to breathe
If I don’t feel a thing, then I can’t bleed
Feel like going back to the old me (old me)
Sink real slow where they can’t hold me
If I disappear, just let me be
If I don’t feel a thing, then I can’t bleed
[Bridge]
Is it peace or is it poison? (I can’t tell)
Every shortcut feel like hell
Say I’m done, then I circle back
Chasing calm in a heart attack
If I call you late, don’t answer
If I text “I’m fine,” read “danger” (read “danger”)
[Chorus]
Feel like going back to the old me
Cup too dark, heart too cold, see
I was numb, it was easy to breathe
If I don’t feel a thing, then I can’t bleed
Feel like going back to the old me (old me)
Sink real slow where they can’t hold me
If I disappear, just let me be
If I don’t feel a thing, then I can’t bleed

rap, Dark, melancholic trap with male vocals; airy pads and eerie keys over a slow, knocking drum groove; hook drenched in auto-tuned pain, verses more dry and intimate; subtle bass swells and pitched vocal chops in the background; final chorus adds stacked harmonies and a filtered, collapsing outro to feel like sinking back into old habits