That Ain’t Movable

“Raymond, That Ain’t Movable”
Genre: Hip-Hop / Pop with a Caribbean twist
By: The Real Moving Crew (Joe, Dillon, Brandon & Paul)
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[Intro – Joe (auto-tuned swagger)]
Yo Ray…
This ain’t no IKEA run, bruh.
We ain’t magicians — we movers.
And that ain’t even gonna fit out the door…
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[Verse 1 – Dillon (melodic rap)]
Raymond said, “Two couches, that’s it.”
We pull up—what the hell is this shit?
Hot tub, treadmill, eight-piece drum kit,
Client talkin’ like we planned this skit.
We text dispatch, they say, “You good.”
But this ain’t no condo, it’s a damn backwood.
Chainsaws, statues, concrete blocks—
Raymond, quit quotin’ from your TikTok.
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[Hook – Brandon (Pop melody)]
No, no, no, Raymond, that ain’t movable,
Told ‘em two chairs, but the load not doable.
Sold ‘em a dream, now we losin’ our minds—
Movin’ whole mountains with bungee lines.
Raymond, this ain’t right, nah, not at all,
Don’t book the job if you ain’t seen the haul.
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[Verse 2 – Paul (Caribbean tone)]
Raymond, what you think this is? A joke move?
You booked a jungle gym and gave me one dude.
“Couple small items,” that’s what you claim—
But I’m stair-steppin’ fridges like it’s a damn game.
You chillin’ in the office with your clean white shoes,
I’m haulin’ hot tubs with a short crew.
Next time you quote, better ask for pics—
Or I’m sendin’ that dolly straight back to dispatch, quick.
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[Bridge – Joe (singing)]
I’m tired of rollin’ into scenes from a nightmare,
While Ray sippin’ coffee in his air chair.
Call Center kingpin, hands never dirty—
But we breakin’ backs while he out here flirty.
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[Final Hook – All (Pop anthem vibe)]
Raymond, that ain’t movable, not even close,
You got us stretchin’ like a yoga pose.
Movin’ grand pianos through attic beams—
Tellin’ lies like you buildin’ dreams.
No more, Ray—quit makin’ it worse,
You quote the job, but we leave in a hearse.
[Verse 3 – Joe]
Walked in, saw pallets stacked to the roof,
Raymond booked a move like we bulletproof.
“This should be easy” — bruh, you high?
That’s a warehouse shipment, not a 2-man try.
They needed a forklift, not a moving van,
Now we draggin’ engine blocks by hand.
I called dispatch, said “Y’all insane?”
Client said, “Raymond promised you’d bring a crane.”
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[Verse 4 – Brandon]
I ain’t tryna be rude but I’m losin’ my grip,
Should’ve brought straps, a jack, and a damn forklift.
It’s always “small move,” then it’s loadin’ steel,
Ray out here fakin’ like he workin’ the field.
I got sweat in my boots, back in a knot,
While you sittin’ up cozy takin’ screenshots.
This ain’t Amazon, this is brute force,
So next time check weight before we roll that course.

Hip-Hop/Pop, male