That Ain’t Movable

“Raymond, That Ain’t Movable”

Genre: Hip-Hop / Pop with a Caribbean twist

By: The Real Moving Crew (Joe, Dillon, Brandon & Paul)

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Yo Ray…

This ain’t no IKEA run, bruh.

We ain’t magicians — we movers.

And that ain’t even gonna fit out the door…

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Raymond said, “Two couches, that’s it.”

We pull up—what the hell is this shit?

Hot tub, treadmill, eight-piece drum kit,

Client talkin’ like we planned this skit.

We text dispatch, they say, “You good.”

But this ain’t no condo, it’s a damn backwood.

Chainsaws, statues, concrete blocks—

Raymond, quit quotin’ from your TikTok.

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No, no, no, Raymond, that ain’t movable,

Told ‘em two chairs, but the load not doable.

Sold ‘em a dream, now we losin’ our minds—

Movin’ whole mountains with bungee lines.

Raymond, this ain’t right, nah, not at all,

Don’t book the job if you ain’t seen the haul.

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Raymond, what you think this is? A joke move?

You booked a jungle gym and gave me one dude.

“Couple small items,” that’s what you claim—

But I’m stair-steppin’ fridges like it’s a damn game.

You chillin’ in the office with your clean white shoes,

I’m haulin’ hot tubs with a short crew.

Next time you quote, better ask for pics—

Or I’m sendin’ that dolly straight back to dispatch, quick.

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I’m tired of rollin’ into scenes from a nightmare,

While Ray sippin’ coffee in his air chair.

Call Center kingpin, hands never dirty—

But we breakin’ backs while he out here flirty.

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Raymond, that ain’t movable, not even close,

You got us stretchin’ like a yoga pose.

Movin’ grand pianos through attic beams—

Tellin’ lies like you buildin’ dreams.

No more, Ray—quit makin’ it worse,

You quote the job, but we leave in a hearse.

Walked in, saw pallets stacked to the roof,

Raymond booked a move like we bulletproof.

“This should be easy” — bruh, you high?

That’s a warehouse shipment, not a 2-man try.

They needed a forklift, not a moving van,

Now we draggin’ engine blocks by hand.

I called dispatch, said “Y’all insane?”

Client said, “Raymond promised you’d bring a crane.”

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I ain’t tryna be rude but I’m losin’ my grip,

Should’ve brought straps, a jack, and a damn forklift.

It’s always “small move,” then it’s loadin’ steel,

Ray out here fakin’ like he workin’ the field.

I got sweat in my boots, back in a knot,

While you sittin’ up cozy takin’ screenshots.

This ain’t Amazon, this is brute force,

So next time check weight before we roll that course.