Flip flop firing

🎵 “The Flip Flop Firing”

Genre: Country-Rap Telenovela
Starring: Fernando, his furious Latina wife, and Kurt “Clipboard the Executioner” Simmons

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[Verse 1 – Narrator (Joe)]

Fernando came home with a face full of shame,
Clipboard snatched, no one else to blame.
Kurt said, “You’re done,” right before lunch,
Now Fernando’s couch got permanent punch.

He creaked through the door, tryin’ to play it chill,
But his wife saw the stress and knew the deal.
“¿Dónde está tu trabajo, huh?” she said—
Then off came the flip flop and CRACK went his head!

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[Chorus – All, dramatic telenovela harmonies]

She beat him with a chancla, right on the floor,
Said, “You let Kurt fire you? What you bring me home for?”
He lost the job and her respect that day—
A flip flop fury on full display.

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[Verse 2 – Dillon (laughing)]

He said, “Mami, I tried—Kurt set me up!”
But that just earned him a coffee cup.
She swung like Babe Ruth with household pride,
Yelled, “Assistant manager? Ha! You lied!”

She made him reapply at UPS,
And told the whole fam how he failed the test.
Now Fernando’s banned from playin’ dominos,
Till he earns back trust with bruised elbows.

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[Chorus – All, over-the-top dramatic]

She beat him with a chancla, in high-heeled rage,
Told him, “You better fix this before I disengage!”
No raise, no perks, no moving truck clout—
Just flip flops flyin’ and Fernando’s lights out.

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[Bridge – Spoken word: Paul]

He ain’t even allowed to say the word “Kurt” in his own house now.
He whispers it like Voldemort.

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[Final Chorus – All, full blast]

She beat him with a chancla, and it echoed true,
Said, “If you get fired again, I’m firin’ you!”
So let this be a tale for the clipboard clan—
Don’t lose your title… and your sandal-ban.

Mexican