[Intro – Border Patrol Drill Sergeant voice] 🎙️ “LINE UP, REJECTS! Boots on the swamp! Time for the national dance of detainment… The BORDER SHUFFLE.” [Verse 1 – Fast-talking narrator] Welcome to the checkpoint, tuck in your socks Snakes in the trees and a drone in the rocks ICE got a TikTok now, doin’ a dance With a stun gun beat and a federal stance One hop left if your visa expired Two hops back if your cousin got fired Slide to the right, there’s a cage in the sand Now clap four times for the Department of the Land [Hook – Chant/Sample] 🎵 Shuffle to the left, don’t trip on the wire Shuffle to the right, that’s a swamp pit fire Dip, duck, dive — don’t mess up Alligator Alcatraz: YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SH*T UP [Verse 2 – Female border agent voice, aggressive] “Freeze! Put that burrito DOWN!” This ain’t no playground, this a red-state clown town Laser fence, hoverboard guard dogs Warden got a gold badge made of hot dogs We don’t use keys, we use reality shows You get a court date if the wheel of misfortune goes Detention’s now hosted by Guy Fieri Winner gets a bus pass — loser gets buried [Hook – Group Shout with beat drop] 🎵 Jump if your passport’s fake Stomp if the border’s a big mistake Wiggle like a snake on the gov’t payroll Dance like your life on a swamp patrol [Bridge – Whisper growl / satire monologue] They got dance cards, RFID chips Disney+ wristbands and gator whip clips Freedom costs five TikToks and a vape And a moonwalk move if you want that escape [Breakdown – Drill cadence, stomping beat] Left, left, right, freeze Swipe that ID or we’ll check your knees Dance it out — it’s America’s new game “Are you legal, or just insane?” [Final Hook – Full-blown satirical chaos] 🎵 Shuffle to the rhythm of a broken law Do the detainment twerk while you dodge the claw Border Patrol got a halftime show With flamethrowers, drones, and a big red bow [Outro – Deadpan voice + echo FX] Alligator Alcatraz. Where every dance step could be your last. And remember, folks… YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SH*T UP.

The Border Shuffle