The Border Shuffle

🎙️

“LINE UP, REJECTS!

Boots on the swamp!

Time for the national dance of detainment…

The BORDER SHUFFLE.”

Welcome to the checkpoint, tuck in your socks

Snakes in the trees and a drone in the rocks

ICE got a TikTok now, doin’ a dance

With a stun gun beat and a federal stance

One hop left if your visa expired

Two hops back if your cousin got fired

Slide to the right, there’s a cage in the sand

Now clap four times for the Department of the Land

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Shuffle to the left, don’t trip on the wire

Shuffle to the right, that’s a swamp pit fire

Dip, duck, dive — don’t mess up

Alligator Alcatraz:

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SH*T UP

“Freeze! Put that burrito DOWN!”

This ain’t no playground, this a red-state clown town

Laser fence, hoverboard guard dogs

Warden got a gold badge made of hot dogs

We don’t use keys, we use reality shows

You get a court date if the wheel of misfortune goes

Detention’s now hosted by Guy Fieri

Winner gets a bus pass — loser gets buried

🎵

Jump if your passport’s fake

Stomp if the border’s a big mistake

Wiggle like a snake on the gov’t payroll

Dance like your life on a swamp patrol

They got dance cards, RFID chips

Disney+ wristbands and gator whip clips

Freedom costs five TikToks and a vape

And a moonwalk move if you want that escape

Left, left, right, freeze

Swipe that ID or we’ll check your knees

Dance it out — it’s America’s new game

“Are you legal, or just insane?”

🎵

Shuffle to the rhythm of a broken law

Do the detainment twerk while you dodge the claw

Border Patrol got a halftime show

With flamethrowers, drones, and a big red bow

Alligator Alcatraz.

Where every dance step could be your last.

And remember, folks…

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SH*T UP.