Scrollin’ Through My Soul

Scrollin’ Through My Soul

Woke up this morning, didn’t brush my teeth

But I checked my likes, yeah that comes first for me

Got a friend request from a dude named “King”

Profile pic’s a lion… but it’s clearly Bing

Mama said, “Boy, go live your life!”

I said, “Hold up, I just got tagged by my ex-wife…”

I’m scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’ through my soul

Watchin’ everybody else achieve their goals

Ain’t left the couch since half past noon

But I know what Karen had for lunch in June

Oh Facebook, you beautiful thief

You stole my time and my sanity

Uncle Joe’s yellin’ ‘bout the end of days

Aunt Sue’s sellin’ oils in seventeen ways

Somebody’s dog just learned to skate

And somehow that got 8K

I posted once, got two likes back

One was my mom… the other was spam attack

I’m scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’ through my soul

Arguin’ with strangers ‘bout a UFO

Got into a fight over chicken wings

Now I’m blocked by thirty-seven kings

Oh Facebook, what have I become?

A keyboard warrior with a numb right thumb

Marketplace got me thinkin’ wild

“Haunted couch, slightly used, one owner child?”

Three broken chairs and a mystery stain

But it says “firm price,” so I feel the pain

Notifications go ding ding ding

Heart starts racin’ like I’m somethin’ big

But it’s just a memory from 2010

Of me and a haircut I regret again

I’m scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’ through my soul

Watchin’ drama like a TV show

They broke up, got back, broke up again

Now they’re postin’ quotes like philosophers, man

Oh Facebook, you digital bar

Where everybody’s loud but nobody’s far

Gonna log off… yeah, I swear I will

Right after I check just one more reel…