Scrollin’ Through My Soul
Woke up this morning, didn’t brush my teeth
But I checked my likes, yeah that comes first for me
Got a friend request from a dude named “King”
Profile pic’s a lion… but it’s clearly Bing
Mama said, “Boy, go live your life!”
I said, “Hold up, I just got tagged by my ex-wife…”
I’m scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’ through my soul
Watchin’ everybody else achieve their goals
Ain’t left the couch since half past noon
But I know what Karen had for lunch in June
Oh Facebook, you beautiful thief
You stole my time and my sanity
Uncle Joe’s yellin’ ‘bout the end of days
Aunt Sue’s sellin’ oils in seventeen ways
Somebody’s dog just learned to skate
And somehow that got 8K
I posted once, got two likes back
One was my mom… the other was spam attack
I’m scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’ through my soul
Arguin’ with strangers ‘bout a UFO
Got into a fight over chicken wings
Now I’m blocked by thirty-seven kings
Oh Facebook, what have I become?
A keyboard warrior with a numb right thumb
Marketplace got me thinkin’ wild
“Haunted couch, slightly used, one owner child?”
Three broken chairs and a mystery stain
But it says “firm price,” so I feel the pain
Notifications go ding ding ding
Heart starts racin’ like I’m somethin’ big
But it’s just a memory from 2010
Of me and a haircut I regret again
I’m scrollin’, scrollin’, scrollin’ through my soul
Watchin’ drama like a TV show
They broke up, got back, broke up again
Now they’re postin’ quotes like philosophers, man
Oh Facebook, you digital bar
Where everybody’s loud but nobody’s far
Gonna log off… yeah, I swear I will
Right after I check just one more reel…