Kill the Cook

(Verse 1)

The salt is in the coffee and the meat is green with mold

The biscuits are as pliable as the anchors in the hold!

He’s served us boiled leather and a stew of engine grease

While he’s sitting in the galley like a fat and pampered geese!

The weevils in the porridge have begun to wear a hat

And I’m fairly certain yesterday he served us up the cat!

(Chorus)

So sharpen up the cutlass and we’ll gather on the deck

We’ll put a heavy millstone ‘round that greasy bastard’s neck!

The stove is cold and empty and the pantry’s looking bare

It’s time to give the galley-slave a permanent nightmare!

Oh, heave away the copper pot and toss away the book

For the good of all the sailors, boys, we’ve got to kill the cook!

(Verse 2)

He claims it’s fancy poultry but it’s just a roasted gull

He’s got a brain as hollow as a battered wooden hull!

He’s drunk the Captain’s brandy and he’s spat within the tea

The foulest-smelling scoundrel on the seven rolling seas!

We’ve got the scurvy tremors and we’re thin as winter reeds

While he’s stuffing down the butter like a monster when he feeds!

(Chorus)

So sharpen up the cutlass and we’ll gather on the deck

We’ll put a heavy millstone ‘round that greasy bastard’s neck!

The stove is cold and empty and the pantry’s looking bare

It’s time to give the galley-slave a permanent nightmare!

Oh, heave away the copper pot and toss away the book

For the good of all the sailors, boys, we’ve got to kill the cook!

(Bridge)

One more bowl of slop, me boys, and I will surely die

I’d rather eat the splinters than another maggot pie!

We’ll march into his kitchen with a fierce and hungry look

And end the reign of terror of the man they call the Cook!

(Chorus)

So sharpen up the cutlass and we’ll gather on the deck

We’ll put a heavy millstone ‘round that greasy bastard’s neck!

The stove is cold and empty and the pantry’s looking bare

It’s time to give the galley-slave a permanent nightmare!

Oh, heave away the copper pot and toss away the book

For the good of all the sailors, boys, we’ve got to kill the cook