The 12 Days of ICE-mas

[Intro – Spoken, whispering over creepy sleigh bells and chainsaws]

🎅 “This ain’t no silent night… Welcome to ICE-mas, baby. Ho. Ho. Holy f***.”

⸻

[Chorus – Metal chant w/ gang vocals]

🎶
On the first day of ICE-mas, my country gave to me…
A plane ride to Alligator Alcatraz.
(You can’t make this sh*t up!)
🎶
On the second day of ICE-mas, my country gave to me…
2 ankle monitors,
And a plane ride to Alligator Alcatraz.
(You can’t make this sh*t up!)

⸻

[Full Run – Let the madness build with each verse]

3 barking dogs (in border patrol vans)
4 swamp guards grinning (with Trump bobbleheads)
5 MAGA rings (and one’s a f***in’ taser)
6 ICE men raiding (grandma’s birthday party)
7 drones a-spying (on a Taco Bell worker)
8 snakes slithering (in the prison moat)
9 Karens filming (from their cul-de-sac)
10 kids in cages (with Elf on the Shelf cams)
11 fake IDs burning (in a holiday bonfire)
12 ICE trucks blasting
🎵 “Build the wall” on repeat

(You can’t make this sh*t up!)

⸻

[Bridge – Half-sung, half-laughing chaos]

🎤
It’s a red hat Christmas in the Florida heat
Santa’s at the checkpoint, patting your seat
No sleigh bells, just tear gas and riot cuffs
You’re on the naughty list?
ICE don’t give a f*!**

⸻

[Final Chorus – Everyone yelling drunk at a Christmas bar fight]

🎶
On the twelfth day of ICE-mas, they shipped me off to sea
12 ICE trucks blasting
11 fake IDs burning
10 kids in cages
9 Karens filming
8 snakes slithering
7 drones a-spying
6 ICE men raiding
5 MAGA RIIIIINGS!
4 swamp guards grinning
3 barking dogs
2 ankle monitors
And a PLANE RIDE TO ALLIGATOR ALCATRAZ!
(YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SH*T UP!)

⸻

[Outro – Whispered with sleigh bells fading into a border alarm]

“Deck the walls… with deportation forms.”
_Merry ICE-mas, motherfers._*

Christmas comedy explicit lyrics