“Signs Only Bleed”

I used to wait on 11:11

Hold my breath like the clock could hear

Pluck the clovers down to nothing

Asking flowers to be sincere

Watched the sky for falling answers

Silver streaks through borrowed dark

Every wish was just a bargain

With a universe that missed the mark

I left the small soft superstitions

For something higher something true

Traded luck for revelation

Put my waiting faith in You

Now I stare into the silence

Like it owes me something said

But heaven speaks in long delays

And patience feels like being bled

I don’t see You in the sunlight

Or the easy gentle days

I only hear You in the breaking

When everything I love gives way

If Your voice is in the hurting

If Your hands are in the scars

Then I’ll learn to read the language

Written where the wounded are

I ask for signs and miss them walking

Past my door in ordinary skin

I want thunder I want burning bushes

You answer low and deep within

You don’t shout You don’t perform

You don’t bow to my demand

You wait until I’m on my knees

Before I finally understand

I don’t see You in the sunlight

Or the calm untroubled air

I only find You in the midnight

When I’m stripped down to my prayer

If You teach through all the suffering

If You carve Your truth in pain

Then I’ll stop asking for proof

And let the waiting change my name

Maybe faith is not the seeing

Maybe it’s the staying put

Maybe all the signs I’m begging for

Are written where they hurt the most

You were never in the wishing

You were always in the cost

In the love I couldn’t keep

In the things I thought I lost

So I’ll stop checking the clocks

And reading leaves on the ground

If You speak it’s in the ache

That finally slows me down

I won’t look for You in luck now

Or the stars that pass and fade

I’ll find You in the silence

That teaches me to wait

If You only speak in sorrow

If that’s where Your truth departs

Then I’ll listen with my whole life

And learn to see You through the scars

I waited on a sign from heaven

Found You standing in the hurt

And it broke me just enough

To finally know Your word