When Will My War End

[Intro]
They fell
My sisters
My brothers
At my feet
I remember the sound
More than the sight
How the world
Just… tore
[Verse 1]
Your hand in mine
Already cold
Your eyes on mine
Already somewhere else
I tried to hold you here
Tried to bargain with the sky
My mouth moving
But the words all broke
I saw the angels come
Not white
Not wings
Just a soft turning of your face
Like sleep finally winning
Like pain letting go
They carried you
Where I could not follow
[Chorus]
I live on in this bloody hell
Smoke in my lungs
Names in my mouth
I live on in this bloody hell
Mud on my knees
Your weight on my heart
I live on in this bloody hell
As they rise
As they’re carried home
And I stay here
Asking
When will my war end
[Verse 2]
My boots are stained with stories
I never wanted to tell
Fingerprints of people
Who trusted me to bring them back
I talk to empty uniforms
Lay medals on empty beds
I straighten pillows
For heads that won’t return
I wake up to phantom fingers
Tugging at my sleeve
Hear you laugh behind me
Turn around to only dust
They say I survived
As if that is a blessing
As if breathing
Is the same as being alive
[Chorus]
I live on in this bloody hell
Smoke in my lungs
Names in my mouth
I live on in this bloody hell
Mud on my knees
Your weight on my heart
I live on in this bloody hell
As they rise
As they’re carried home
And I stay here
Asking
When will my war end
[Bridge]
The guns are silent
But inside me
They never learned how to stop
The field is empty
But in my chest
You fall again and again
If there is mercy
Let it be this
That one day I wake
And the battle is a memory
Not a mirror
[Chorus]
I live on in this bloody hell
Smoke in my lungs
Names in my mouth
I live on in this bloody hell
Mud on my knees
Your weight on my heart
I live on in this bloody hell
As they rise
As they’re carried home
And I whisper to the dark
When will my war end
When will my war end

Sparse, intimate spoken-word over low, pulsing drones and distant timpani swells, male vocals close-miked and breathy. Subtle piano chords bloom under key phrases; reverb grows in the chorus to feel like a widening void. Occasional reverse-cymbal risers and low choir pads emphasize the weight of loss. Final section strips back to near-silence, leaving just voice and a single fading note., heartfelt, spoken word