Track · Apr 14, 2026 · English

My Funeral Was Mid (0 Stars)

AshePoalumu2 plays

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Duration

3:53

Language

English

Lyrics

[Verse 1]

Tracked down a guy who was there, asked him how it went

He said "well, the weather was nice, I guess — maybe sixty percent"

Said the preacher showed up drunk, got the name wrong twice

Said the casket was the wrong color and the flowers had lice

[Chorus]

My funeral was mid — zero stars, would not recommend

The eulogy was plagiarized, the music had no end

Someone played a bagpipe solo that went on for forty minutes

And the punchline? I wasn't even in it

My funeral was mid, and that's the saddest part

I died for nothing, came back to nothing

And that's a work of art

[Verse 2]

They said six people showed up — three were just lost

One thought it was a barbecue, ate all the sauce

My ex-wife cried for thirty seconds, then checked her phone

My best friend gave a speech that was mostly about a loan

[Chorus]

My funeral was mid — zero stars, would not recommend

The eulogy was plagiarized, the music had no end

Someone played a bagpipe solo that went on for forty minutes

And the punchline? I wasn't even in it

My funeral was mid, and that's the saddest part

I died for nothing, came back to nothing

And that's a work of art

[Bridge — spoken, genuinely offended]

You know what the worst part is?

The sandwiches.

[beat]

I'm dead — was dead — and someone thought turkey on white was appropriate?

No condiments? No pickles? Just... dry turkey?

On white bread?

[shakes head]

I'd rather go back to hell.

At least the devil had pretzels.

[Instrumental break — guitar playing something that sounds like a bad funeral march, intentionally off-key]

[Outro — sung, shrugging]

My funeral was mid, but what'd I expect?

I wasn't exactly the type to earn respect

But still — a bagpipe?

Come on, that's just rude

Next time I die, I'm writing my own damn mood

[spoken, fading:]

...and someone's bringing real sandwiches.

[muttered:]

...turkey on white...

[fade out with a disgusted noise]

Style

outlaw countrymaletempo: mid-temposarcasticenglish

Credits

Prompt by

AshePoalumu

GeneratedApr 14, 2026

ModelZona