Should have seen it coming

I suppose I should have seen it

I know I saw it coming

But even tho I saw it

I didn't keep on running

Perhaps I was just tired

Or weary from my plight

Either one it doesn't matter

Perhaps I didn't want to fight

Maybe I'm weak

Maybe I'm just dumb

Perhaps it's the two combined

That's been the rule of thumb

Maybe if I had lived

A better life back then

And kept my husband close to me

I'd not have this moment as my end

But whatever it was

I lived it my way

I had many choices

And now I must pay

I can't say there's much

Thru these options I've had

That I would do different

I haven't lived bad

Thru all of the drama

And misery that's come

Now I can't see a purpose

For all that I've done

Perhaps I will see it

When one day I pass

A moment of clarity

Of true peace at last

But that's just a dream

One I've always held dear

One that's been kept from me

As I've been mired in fear.

"What ifs" and "one days"

Clever or not

One day I will be over

And then quickly forgot

Perhaps there's a slight chance

Some part will survive

And maybe these words I write

After me might stay alive.

...perhaps.