Should have seen it coming

I suppose I should have seen it
I know I saw it coming
But even tho I saw it
I didn't keep on running
Perhaps I was just tired 
Or weary from my plight
Either one it doesn't matter
Perhaps I didn't want to fight
Maybe I'm weak
Maybe I'm just dumb
Perhaps it's the two combined
That's been the rule of thumb
Maybe if I had lived 
A better life back then
And kept my husband close to me
I'd not have this moment as my end
But whatever it was 
I lived it my way
I had many choices
And now I must pay
I can't say there's much 
Thru these options I've had 
That I would do different
I haven't lived bad
Thru all of the drama
And misery that's come
Now I can't see a purpose
For all that I've done
Perhaps I will see it
When one day I pass
A moment of clarity
Of true peace at last
But that's just a dream
One I've always held dear
One that's been kept from me
As I've been mired in fear. 
"What ifs" and "one days"
Clever or not
One day I will be over
And then quickly forgot
Perhaps there's a slight chance
Some part will survive
And maybe these words I write 
After me might stay alive.


...perhaps. 

pop