Trauma love

listen, I gotta tell you this

Cos its blowing my mind

How playing it in rewind

Unmasks my subconsciousness

Without realizing

I went to go do the things I always do with you

& the freakish part - i thought i was empathizing

You scream & call me vicious

But my moves only prove its me or you acting smooth but actually malicious

The last of the dishes

Throw them at me hard broken glass broken plate

Im irate

You fucken hate

Its too late now fucked up this shit wow the hot is heated & Im depleted

I wanna sleep & go deep into the depths of what hell is depicted

No coming back

Its the fucking blackness of the impact

Scream

Are you alive you never know cos noones listen bro let it go

& close your eyes be blind unwind into nothing below poof.. gone bye bye old man till next time we can

But in my mind I caught the flip side

take responsibility for me no one else can take the good I made so Ill step up fully

take the hit for being that shitty

unhealthy version of me

& try to keep going,

keep filling my own head with positive emotion leave that door wide open

keep hopin Ill fukm do it just watch cos

these words ive spoken

my token slogan from being broken to being awoken

a new vocabulary

its nothing like how I speak regularly

particularly

since I grew up in a white Christian family

its my polarity familiarity irregularity

& honestly. if you can figure out how to see it for what it is

life isnt that bad its just full of balance

thats the challenge

be present learn from the past thats how you see if you grew

in that same fucking shit that keeps happening.. its true.

if you want different outcome different moves is what you gotta do

yea you. noone else can do it for you

change the past habits of your past by finding someone who can teach you

listen learn say sorry if you fail

trust me you will a lot but dont bail

cos effort for change is way easier than constant weight on your back that keeps getting heavier from hurting more people you love & letting them down

making new friends then have to leave town over & over around & around

surviving is not living

my life with my kids was my dream when I was younger all I wanted was my own team

now I have it but I keep fucking it up it seems

i want to keep it & teach my kids what this life could be

not what theyve seen

in the darkness of fears played out in between

me & their dad angry & yelling screaming

they grow up thinking

what the fuck is the point if its a life of constant sinking

fighting to survive in a dark world is not a meaning

to want to carry on keep believing.

so show them different but first to the work

so they dont have to go through as much hurt

as you have had to endure

thats how you make up for all the shittiness from before

set them up with the tools they need

to navigate through life & succeed

to accept life will be fucking hard

make sure they understand

that cos this is the important part..

that without all that shit all of lifes crappyness

without it

we'd have no idea how it'd look in happiness